Guys and “Dolls”? Eeeeewwwww

August 19, 2008 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | 10 Comments

So my son’s GF sent me this link to a supposedly REAL documentary on guys and their REAL DOLLS (TM).

I watched with morbid fascination. Kind of like watching a train wreck.

I was aghast. “Are you sure this is a REAL documentary?”

“Well it’s by the BBC. I’m fairly certain it’s real.”

“Yeah, but the BBC brought us that documentary on Spaghetti trees.”

That being said, this appears to be a real documentary and not a spoof – despite all appearances to the contrary. 

I mean, we saw (and riffed on the Bitchboard) these “creations” when they came out over 10 years ago. Back then I remember they were over $5K!  I can’t imagine how much they are NOW.

This documentary follows men who own real dolls, a Real Doll creator, and a Real Doll “Repair” guy…. I know what you are thinking about that last one – or at least, you SHOULD be thinking… EEEEEWWWW! The worst was when he was pulling apart a vagina, WITHOUT GLOVES ON, describing how “violent” sex is, really. Well apparently it is (violent) for doll owners.

What creeped me out the most wasn’t so much that these guys TALK to their dolls, or have sex with their dolls, or take them for drives in their cars, or change their faces so they can pretend the doll is SLEEPING after sex…  It wasn’t even that they use these dolls to totally AVOID dealing with and working on their own social interaction problems. What creeps me out is how they HANG the dolls by a loop in the back of the neck to change, make up and otherwise work with the doll. It’s beyond CREEPY. It’s like something a serial killer would do with a victim. 

And sick as it is, the computer geek in me couldn’t help thinking critically about the technology – you’d think in over 10 years it would have progressed. I mean, sure the dolls are around 100 pounds and have teeth and tongues (and vaginas), and have realistic joints in their bodies, but what about it making sounds instead of just laying there, deaf, dumb and blind and looking catatonic? Are all their “clients” necrophiliacs?  What about some kind of semi-autonomic movement? When I was a child, I had a doll (the only one I liked – is it any surprise that I HATED most dolls?) that would open and close it’s eyes at the flip of a magnetic wand. That was over FOURTY YEARS AGO. Surely someone could come up with technology similar to that on real dolls so that the owner didn’t have to PULL OFF THE FACE and put another one on, just so he could pretend she was SLEEPING? Surely the eyes could move and follow a person in the room (we have $100 webcams that can do that).  Surely, for a premium price they could add a LITTLE more interaction? 

 OK. I’m creeping myself out now.

Honestly,  one guy – the 39 -yr-old from Virginia, who showed off his collection of guns as well as his DOLLS, made me think – maybe his dolls are stopping him from going and taking those guns and using them on a MacDonald’s full of people. He says the reason he can’t get a real woman like that is his complexion and his teeth – but for the amount of money he spent on dolls, he could have that easily fixed.  Truth IS, the reason a guy can’t have a relationship with a woman is his PERSONALITY, and fixing the problems with THAT takes work real work. It takes more work than most men are willing to put in. 

The 50-something guy from England was just sad. He’d never had a girlfriend, lived with his mother until she died, and made some comments  indicating that people just REACTED TO HIM strangely.  He could be surrounded by attractive women but they didn’t respond positively to him.  He even based his self-worth on the fact that he flies a hang glider, imagining himself as some kind of superhero (his word), but lamented that women just want the guy with the pint in the pub. (Sounds like our classic “Nice Guy” whiner, right?).  He seemed genuinely perplexed as to why women didn’t find him attractive based on his chosen sport. 

Well DUH.

You are the kind of guy who has sex with DOLLS. The kind of guy who dresses them up and talks to them and pretends they are sleeping after sex. The kind of guy who keeps a mausoleum room to his dead mother.  You RADIATE “fucked up weird” and “objectify women”. Women pick up on that kind of “not normal”,”obsessive”, weird-assed shit – at least the SANE ones do. The staring intently and inability to carry on a normal conversation are usually dead give-aways too.

The bf walked into my office as I was viewing the video and stayed for a few minutes, rapt in abject horror and fascination.  The youngest spawn watched only part of the documentary with the same look of revulsion on his face and said, “Fucked. Just fucked.” 

The next night we were out with a group of friends in a rather busy, noisy environment. The bf and I discussed it in that limited way that the bf discusses anything:

me: You know, I was thinking about that Real Doll thing and sadly, I can think of a couple of people we know who might be the types to have one or more hiding in their closets.

bf: (knowing nod)

me: You think so too? How many?

bf: (shows two fingers)

me: Me too! Who?

bf: (look that says: I can’t say right now. Other people are present)

Me: whispers: [name withheld] ?

bf: (knowing nod – and SMIRK)

Me: And?

bf (another knowing nod and SMIRK)

Me: DAMN. We picked the same two. 

bf: (*SMILE*)

The ONLY positive thing I can say about guys who feel compelled to substitute real human interaction with “Real Dolls” is that at LEAST they aren’t breeding. At least their genetics are no longer propagating.

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Damn Technology…

August 7, 2008 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | No Comments

If you tried to apply for membership this week, I didn’t receive the app. Seems that an IP address changeover required a few more hidden tweaks in deeply buried, and long forgotten config files, and mail from most web apps ceased to route through.

It’s fixed now.  To the best of my knowledge.

(I really have to upgrade this damn server).

So if you applied for membership between July 30th and August 7th at 8pm EDT, you might want to apply again.

 

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