“Children of Men”

March 25, 2007 | Filed Under Movie Reviews | 4 Comments

Children of Men Movie posterI received an advance-release of the “Children of Men” DVD last week, (the official release date is March 27, 2007), on the promise that I would write a review “from the feminist viewpoint”.  I presume that because I am a self-proclaimed feminist, and I have a viewpoint, any opinion I have is “from the feminist viewpoint.”

I’ll admit, it’s a movie that was on my “must see” list, but I just hadn’t found the time to get to the theatre to see it. I was greatly impressed by director Alfonso Cuarón’s previous work on “Y tu mamá también“, and I’d heard good things about “Children of Men”.  A word of caution, this review will have a few spoilers in it, so if you don’t want to read any further but want my opinion, I give it two feminist thumbs up.

I sent out an email to my friends, and suggested we have a viewing after our regular friday night pub dinner.  About 8 people came over for popcorn, beer, and the movie.  I hadn’t read the book, but a couple of my friends had, and after hearing their comments on the differences between the movie and the book, I’m very interested in reading the book.

Read More... 1 2 3 4

Email This Post Email This Post Email this Post

“Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful…”

March 22, 2007 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | 8 Comments

A friend of mine moved into a new condo tower a few months back.  Slowly but surely, she’s been meeting people in the building and making some new friends there. The building is largely filled with young urbanites, many of whom are single.   Unfortunately, there are a group of women in the building who clearly don’t like her. They have no valid reason for their dislike… She’s been friendly and outgoing, yet they’ve basically snubbed and rebuffed her – organized activities for “the girls” but not invited her, barely said “hello” when she greets them – that sort of thing. 

It would seem she’s facing that all too common “insecure-female” syndrome.

You see, she’s a tall, attractive, successful, single woman in her 30’s. For those fragile ego types, that spells “threatening”.  She told me a story about how she and a friend went to a New Year’s party and one woman there was openly GLARING at her the moment she entered the room.  It was so obvious and overt that her friend started laughing about it. 

But you hear it all the time – women saying, (jokingly or not), “Oh, she’s so thin, I hate her!”, or words to that effect.  We have a culture that has made it OK, even  encouraged, women to “hate” or dislike anyone whom we perceive to have something we don’t.  Instead of appreciating someone else’s talents, wisdom or beauty, too many people see it as an indictment of themselves, and a threat.  

Unfortunately, this fucked-up attitude seems to be more prevalent with women than men, and it pisses me off when women are that willfully stupid. As Instigatrix said, “You know, I really DO hate boneheads, but bonehead WOMEN have a SPECIAL place in the crack of my ass.”

Even though I’m not as young or gorgeous as my friend, I still have experienced the attempts at ostracism from threatened females, largely because I am outgoing, intelligent, I don’t play dumb, and I can talk with the guys about computers and power tools, and other geeky stuff that they find interesting.  I am unusual in that I am a very technically savvy female. Just because a guy finds that interesting doesn’t mean he wants to sleep with me, or that I want to sleep with him.  All the protestations of Harry (When Harry Met Sally) aside, sometimes a man and woman can just have a conversation because they share mutual interests.   I know of one case where my name is apparently *verboten* in the household because she is so threatened by me (and I’ve never even MET her), and another where I was hated by the wife because I could talk about work with her husband and she didn’t understand any of it.

Fer Chrissakes women, get a goddamn grip!  If you can’t talk to your partner about stuff that is important or interesting to him, find someone more compatible, or, heaven forefend, open a damn book and learn something that you can both share an interest in. Knowing about computers, or cars, or finances is a useful skill regardless. YOU could actually benefit.  I’m not talking about becoming a sycophant and taking up all HIS interests so you can have something in common, but if you don’t share any mutual interests, and he’s not willing to take up any of yours, why are you together? Hot sex can only carry a relationship so far… (believe me, I know).

Why oh why do these women immediately see an attractive woman as a threat?  Do they think she’ll steal away their boyfriends or husbands?  I see two immediate problems with that theory: a) They are expecting that the boyfriend/husband is such a catch that she’d want him, and b) if he’s so untrustworthy, and so unhappy with you that he could be wooed into bed (or beyond) by another woman, What the Hell Are You Doing With Him? Dump the fucker already! 

Nobody ever got seduced out of a wonderful, loving, good relationship.  Stop blaming and hating other women who have done nothing but look good, or have a conversation with your hubby, just because you are riddled with insecurities. Get some fucking therapy or get out of the relationship. Hell, get therapy regardless.

I’m going to throw a little psychological monkey-wrench in here just for good measure. I think that women who are paranoid about their guy getting seduced by another woman, are in fact projecting their own fears about themselves onto the guy.  At some level, she’s so unhappy and uncomfortable that if the right guy came up and wooed her, she’d fall for it.  Because she feels susceptible, she figures her partner must be too.

All that being said, I don’t think it’s cool, funny, or acceptable for the female manipulator types to swoop in and deliberately break up an unstable couple as some kind of power/ego-trip.   (I get plenty of membership applications from misguided women who think that being a Heartless Bitch means using and abusing those who are susceptible, and breaking up couples for fun).  Those types need a stiletto rammed firmly up their asses too.

And then, there are the “Pecking Order” Alpha Female types. The ones that have to be the Top Dog in all situations. Everyone has to agree with them. They have to be the one to give the best advice. They either rule by belittling and praising or by “mothering” everyone around them.  Those that resist the attempts to exact conformity are ostracized. You see this most commonly in high-school cliques, but sadly, it persists well into adulthood, and out into the working world.  I worked in one office where it was clear the Alpha Female didn’t like me because I didn’t always agree with her, and spoke my own mind.  There were several subjects where I also knew far more than she did, and she didn’t like to be corrected when she expounded on something she clearly had limited knowledge of. One must never contradict the Alpha Female. 

Heh. I just see THAT kind of behavior as a big, red button that says, “Push Me” on it.  

It was obvious that she didn’t like me, but she wasn’t openly hostile – she was smarter than that – her manipulation was calculated and controlled.  Never-the-less, it was clear that I wasn’t “one of the girls”, which suited me just fine.  I found it all rather amusing, like being an observer in a psychology experiment.  You see, I shucked off any need for that kind of approval or group-acceptance back in junior high, when it was clear that to be part of the “in” crowd, you had to accept the “queen” belittling you in front of others. She did it to everyone.  I was part of the “in” group for a very short time until I made it clear that I wouldn’t be pressured into doing anything I didn’t want to do (like smoke), and I wouldn’t tolerate the insult-laden ego-propping behavior.

That didn’t make me a loner – it just meant that I found better people to be friends with. Fortunately, there are women out there who are not insecure, backbiting, manipulative assholes. You don’t have to give up having friends just because you refuse to play some stupid female pecking-order game.  That being said, I’ve never felt the need to be part of an all girl group. From time-to-time I have been, due to circumstances, but it’s not something that I can’t live without, nor something that I specifically seek out.  Give me the mixed company of a few close friends, and I’m happy. Sure, I have my close female friends, but even then, I won’t tolerate shithead behavior just because we are “girlfriends” and I certainly won’t excuse boneheadedness for the sake of “sisterhood”. I’ll be supportive, but I won’t be a soppy crying rag – especially for woes that come from self-inflicted injuries (that’s what you pay a therapist for). I’ve told more than one person to “shit or get off the pot” because they started getting emotional hemorrhoids from sitting on the self-pity-pot for too long.  If your shit stinks, I’ll tell you, and I expect the same in return. By the same token, I’ll celebrate your talents, beauty, knowledge and skills – I’ll cheer you on when you are tackling a big challenge, running a race, or opening an art exhibit, and watch your back when you fight the good fight.

Remember, Real Heartless Bitches(tm) aren’t threatened by someone having more money, greater beauty, a better job, a cuter boyfriend, or more talent.  Heartless Bitches know who they are, and they are damned proud of it.  They know in their hearts, that no matter what society might think of them, they ARE beautiful.  They also couldn’t give a fart (much less a shit) about someone who hates them because of that.

Email This Post Email This Post Email this Post

Damn

March 18, 2007 | Filed Under Lifestyles of the Heartlessly Bitchy, Popculture | 2 Comments

“Whatcha listening to?”

“Fallout Boy.”

“Fallout Boy is SOOOOO ‘MySpace’.”

“Shit. No. Really?”

“Uh Huh. Totally.”

“Damn. I HATE MySpace.”

Email This Post Email This Post Email this Post

The “Marrying Type”… but not the good kind…

March 16, 2007 | Filed Under Lifestyles of the Heartlessly Bitchy, The Heartless Bitch Way | 2 Comments

Recently, a friend was emailed me about an interesting new guy she met. At first blush he seemed a real charmer. She met him while out at an elegant dance club. An absolute gentleman, he sat down at their table and introduced himself. Exhibit A. They all ended up chatting, hanging out, eventually dancing quite a bit. He said he hadn’t been “out” dancing in 9 years–just signed divorce papers, he did–but god love him, he jumped right to it when a lady asked. He treated her and her friend both to the whole positive side of Latin men–respectful, eager to serve. He was giving off a nice friendship vibe – normal, between adults. A breath of fresh air to find in a club.

He ran his own business. He seemed responsible, and direct. He asked my friend out for coffee, and he didn’t beat around the bush, like so many guys who want to feel you out first. He said, “what are you doing on Sunday?” and then, realizing that she wasn’t sure what she was answering, he rushed to add, “I want to ask you to have coffee with me.” He didn’t discuss the divorce at all, or use it as a ploy for sympathy. He only mentioned it because she ASKED him why he’d been out of circulation for 9 years.

He walked both women back to their cars, and as he was walking my friend back to hers, she told him how nice it was to meet him and how surprised she was to find a gallant and fun guy there. He gave her a kiss on the cheek, and clearly relished it. Then he asked, “may I?” before kissing her straight on! She liked that asking permission bit.

Needless to say, although he was noticeably aroused (!), she noted with merit that he didn’t ask her at that moment if she lived close by, or if they could go to her house. He just said, “Ok, see you tomorrow!” Decency is not completely dead.

It all seemed to be going so well.

But when the next day rolled around, he didn’t call at the time he said he would. He did eventually call later that evening, and it was apparently some kind of “communications” snafu. They talked for quite a while, and that’s when the first alarm bells started going off.

Unfortunately, it would appear that this guy is one of those desperate “Marrying Types”. You know the type – the kind that HAS to be in a relationship, no matter what. The kind that talks about marriage on the second date. The kind that is so afraid of being on his own, looking after himself, that he either has a new wife lined up before the old one is gone, or he’s on the prowl the day she leaves, seeking the next “MRS”. This one seemed to have trouble looking after himself, keeping house, paying his bills on time… No wonder he is on divorce number 2 at age 35. And to complicate matters, it turns out he has kids from both relationships.

This guy was actually dropping the “D” word in this first phone conversation, as in “Destiny”. Yeee! These marrying types are so scary! It’s like the world revolves around being tied up in a couple. I’m not saying being single is a piece of cake, that life isn’t easier when you have two people to do things (like put up a tent, carry a couch, make love, etc.). But, come on, not knowing how to pay your bills on time? What does that have to do with gender, OR culture? My friend calls these types “Barnacle Daves”. She says, “It’s my little nickname for all ye clingy post-marital types, arrrr!”

This guy runs his own company but somehow can’t figure out how to be on time to pick up his kids or show up for a date. But wait, it gets better – they hadn’t even gone out on an actual “date”, and while on the phone he kept asking her about how often she cleans the house. Only a control freak asks about a woman’s house cleaning habits.

Then the next day he calls her, but she’s busy that night and she says that she’s heading out of town on vacation in a few of days (for 3 weeks – which is entirely true) so things are kind of up in the air – she needs to get ready before she leaves. She’s willing to give this guy one more F2F chance – maybe he’d be ok for a fling but nothing serious. Too many red flags are piling up. She tells him she may be in his end of town the next night, and she’ll let him know if she is that evening after work. Sure enough, her plans work out and she is in his neck of the woods. She calls his home number that evening to confirm – no answer, (I filed that one under “dull surprise”) and he apparently doesn’t have a cell. (What independent businessman DOESN’T have a cell these days?).

He calls her that evening, too late, as she is heading home – seems he went out to a bar. Wow. sounds like someone who really wanted to see her. He knew there was a chance she’d call but he went out anyway? And didn’t bother to call her to check?

But wait. It gets better. He calls her the next night, at 12:30 and says he still very much wants to see her before she leaves. What kind of idiot calls someone they barely know at 12:30 at night? He’s never around – he’s blown two opportunities to get together with her, and yet somehow he wants her to believe he’s all hot-to-trot for her.

How many Red Flags doth he wave? Let me count the ways… He wants someone to look after him, but somehow the concept of him being responsible isn’t part of the bargain. He thinks that wooing with words like “Destiny” and talking about camping trips and walks along the beach is somehow going to convince her that he’s “the one”. I think he’s probably dangling/playing several potential new “MRS” and he wants to keep all his options open. Oh, he wants to find MRS Right, and marry all right – but he’s looking for the most desperate, pliable one. Fortunately for her, she’s a Heartless Bitch and sees right through this type. On the positive side, these guys, if somewhat frustrating, do make for interesting email conversations and entertaining blog posts.

Email This Post Email This Post Email this Post

Englightening “Nice Guys”

March 13, 2007 | Filed Under Reader Responses, The Heartless Bitch Way | 4 Comments

The “Nice Guys, BLEAH!” section of HBI gets a tremendous amount of traffic.  Oddly enough it was not created because we are evil, nasty women who just love kickig small helpless animals and spineless men.  It was spawned as a response to an overwhelming number of whining complaints from self-professed “Nice Guys” who see not only us, but all women as damaged and wanting only assholes.  While education may happen as an offshoot, our articles here are meant to show that the emperor has no clothes. If an individual decides to learn from our observations, well, that’s their choice. 

That being said, I think that perhaps 1 in 4 “Nice Guys” who read the HBI section, actually get it, take responsibility for their own behavior, and figure a way out of their dilemma that does not involve becoming a beer-swilling, womanizing asshole. 

From time to time men from either camp (the “oh shit, I get it” or the “raging in denial” camps), will write.  Sometimes the authors of those emails ask reasonable questions.  In this particular case, I figure if one guy didn’t get it, probably there are a whole bunch who didn’t, so I’m going to clarify it here.

    Gustavo writes:  

    Hey, I had read this article a long time ago and learned from it. Recently revisited and learnt a bit more. But my question refers to this paragraph, which I just can’t decipher:

    The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue… But love isn’t mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: “Who would want to go out with someone who was inherently unlovable anyways?” 

    The last part, I get lost on what it refers to. I interpret that there are many people which can adequately replace you in the relationship, but after that, I just can’t understand what it says. Even if the relationship ends, you’ll still love her and something else, specially the quote in the end, that I can’t tell what it refers to exactly. I know you may have past this moment in your life, but could you shed a bit of light on that part for me?

If you perceive that YOU are the only person who can truly love a woman, and you tell her that, then what you are really telling her is that she is inherently unlovable by anyone else but you.  Get it? You are telling her that it isn’t anything special about HER that makes you love her, or that allows you to love her so deeply, but something special about YOU that makes you able to, when no one else can.  So, in fact, you aren’t complimenting her, you are subtly insulting her.

The ironic question comes into play because, when it comes right down to it, why would you want to get involved with someone who is, by your own definition, inherently unlovable?

I hope that clears things up.

Email This Post Email This Post Email this Post

International Women’s Day

March 8, 2007 | Filed Under Politics, Popculture, The Heartless Bitch Way | 1 Comment

Today is International Women's Day - really, it's a day to celebrate ordinary women making history, but it's also a day to highlight that women still have a long way to go before they are treated as equals in the world at large.  I wish I could say we didn't need this day - that things were so wonderfully equal in the world that we didn't need to recognize and support the struggle of so many women in the world who are at best treated as second class citizens and at worst, slaves or chattel. There are still places in the world where an 11 year old girl can be forced to marry her rapist, or be stoned to death for "allowing" the rape to happen.  There are still places where parents are so poor, and girls are so undervalued, that young girls are sold into slavery in clothing sweatshops and brothels.

Even in the "first world" nations, where most countries have bills of rights that protect women and minorities, we still don't see true equality. All we have to do is look at the Canadian government and we can see how under-represented women are in the places of power. It seems that every time we turn around women's reproductive rights are under attack in the US and Canada.

HBI in its own small way, is chipping away at the boxes that society would put us all in. We aren't afraid to tell the Emperor that his saggy, hairy ass is showing. We provide that virtual kick to the frontal lobe that tells people to get their shit together and be in Total Control of their own lives - stop blaming others, stop making the same stupid mistakes over and over again. We challenge women and men alike to reject the status quo, act like the adults that they are, and to not only expect equality, but to make that expectation clear.

So in addition to celebrating ordinary and extraordinary women who have made a difference in the world, I urge you to do something to make a difference. Do something small to chip away at the walls that still hold us back in society. Do something big for women who are not so fortunate.  Just do something.  Here is a list of things you can do to make a difference. Some don't even cost money.

  1. Fight Apathy. Do something that takes you outside your "comfort zone" - Express an opinion. Be LARGE. Be Loud. Speak out when you see something that marginalizes women or stereotypes us.  Stand up for yourself. Make a statement.
  2. Write a politician and speak out about injustices in your community or in the world at large. Urge your government representatives to be a part of the solution and not to support the causes of the problems that cause war, poverty, and the marginalization of women and children world-wide.
  3. Clean out your closet and give those clothes you never wear to a women's shelter in your city.
  4. Buy a copy of Women of the World, Acoustic from Putumayo Records - because it's not only a great album of mellow, feel-good music from some fabulous female artists, (I really like the Putumayo label and the music they produce and support,) a portion the proceeds will be donated to the Global Fund For Women in support of their efforts to promote and defend the human rights of women and girls.
  5. Make a commitment to support girls in developing countries through non-denominal organizations like Plan Canada, or to help in the fight to Stop Child Trafficking through Plan USA, or any one of the 60 "Plan" organizations world-wide.
  6. Book a Working Vacation and donate some time and energy to support the disadvantaged in developing countries.
  7. Be a positive role model for a young girl.
  8. Write a blog entry in support of International Women's day, honoring a woman in your community who has bucked the system, and fought for justice and equality.
  9. Support Oxfam in their efforts to protect Women's rights in Canada, the UK, the USA, and around the world.  (If you are in Calgary, Alberta, take in ROXFAM).
  10. Participate in an International Women's Day Event in your community. (there are 431 events in 42 countries!)
  11. Sign up for a class to learn a skill that makes you more self-sufficient and independent.
  12. Buy a book or two from our Kid's Book list for your daughter, niece or granddaughter.
  13. Look in the mirror and decide that you really LIKE who you see and the body she inhabits!
Email This Post Email This Post Email this Post

Smartass Kids

March 7, 2007 | Filed Under Parenting | No Comments

“So I’m picking up my new car in a couple of days.”

“Don’t you, like, get a new car every year?”

“No. Every THREE years, I lease a new car.”

“Oh. What did you get?”

“A Ford Focus ZX5.”

“ANOTHER FORD? Why don’t you get something fun?!

“What do you mean? It IS fun.”

“But you always get a Ford.”

“I shopped around this time! I really did. But I couldn’t find another car for the price that gave me all the features I wanted – bum warmer seats, traction control, stereo controls on the steering column… -“

“Mom. Mom. Mom. All I’m hearing is, ‘I’m comfortable and I’m afraid of change.'”

Š

Email This Post Email This Post Email this Post


Your Ad Here


Allposters.com

Buy fun Heartless BitchStuff and help keep HBI running!

We now Accept

Acceptance Mark