Real Heartless Bitches Don’t Plagiarize

December 26, 2006 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | No Comments

…. but stupid people do.

Look, if you like my posts – comment on them, link to them from your blog, but do NOT copy the entire entry into your own blog and then say you saw it “somewhere”, or worse yet, pretend that it is your own writing…  And the same goes for ANY article you see on HBI.

It is acceptable to excerpt one or two lines so you can comment on them. Even in that instance, linking back to the original article is imperative, and providing attribution is mandatory.

 *argh*

If I find out you are copying my work in your own blog or on your own web site, I WILL report you to the abuse police at myspace, or yahoo, or livejournal or blogger, whatever ISP is hosting your blog, and you WILL get whacked by them.

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Kids say the darndest things

December 26, 2006 | Filed Under Parenting | No Comments

Yesterday, while wrapping the gifts, my sons were horsing around and started whacking each other with the empty paper tubes. It devolved into heavy rough-housing, silliness and a risk of material damage to things like hanging lights, etc. – they each stand about 6’2″… They seemed to have agreed to a truce, and dropped weapons when the youngest suddenly picked up a roll, still containing paper.  The paper was flapping like a flag as he waved it threateningly towards his older brother.

In defense the oldest grabbed a pair of scissors off the counter, opened them and assumed a defensive posture. We had a standoff.

Then the oldest said to his brother, in a totally deadpan voice, “You’d better have a rock.” 

(pause)  “Oh. I’m not proud of that one.”

I lost it. I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes and couldn’t breathe…

My boyfriend said, “Now look what you did. You went and made your mother cry.” 

 

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Steve-o needs to grow some bigger balls

December 22, 2006 | Filed Under Politics, Social idiocy | No Comments

The bf knows how to get me riled up. He does it intentionally by sending me articles like this, wherein our embarassingly 1950’s prime minister is quoted as saying,

Asked about whether he has ever taken a ride with Mrs. Harper as she is driving her motorcycle, he said no. “You’ve got to worry about image. I don’t want to be on the back with my wife driving.”

Wow. What a modern and enlightened male!  What’s next? Having her walk three steps behind you?

And THIS is what is leading our country.  *argh*  (And no, I did not vote for him or his party).   The only positive side of this is that it could be worse – we could have BUSH for our country’s leader…

Hey Steve, why don’t you admit the REAL reason you won’t get on that bike with her: You don’t want the press to see you stain your shorts in terror the moment she top-ends that throttle.

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The Mantra of the Heartless Bitch

December 18, 2006 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | No Comments

I am a Heartless Bitch because… 

… I will not be your emotional tampon
… I refuse to read traditional “Women’s magazines”
… I don’t need a romantic relationship to be happy
… I don’t play head-games
… I won’t accept a patronizing pat on the head
… I do not fear confrontation
… I refuse to play dumb or helpless to stroke a man’s ego
… I recognize that real empowerment is more than flaunting my sexuality
… I believe my body is my own, and what I do with it is MY choice
… I believe in true equality and not double-standards
… I’m not afraid of hard work, getting my hands dirty, or breaking a nail
… I do not tolerate whining, sniveling, or other forms of attention-getting behavior
… When I say “no”, it bloody well means NO. Not “maybe”. Not “try again later”
… When you ask my opinion, I will tell you the unvarnished truth with no sugar coating
… I take responsibility for my actions, and expect you to do the same with yours
… I won’t let society, the media, or anyone else tell me who I am or who I should be

For all these reasons and more, I am a HEARTLESS BITCH and proud of it!

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Carnival of Feminists

December 11, 2006 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | No Comments

And the most dangerous carni…car..ni..va… car-nival …ooooh. I just LOVE carnivals!  The most dangerous carnival in the forest is….. ME!”     – Elmyra Duff (Tiny Toons)

So without Further Adieu, I present you with the 28th Annual Carnival of Feminists, featuring yours truly…

http://diaryofafreakmagnet.blogspot.com/2006/12/ginger-presents-28th-carnival-of.html

(I am proud to call myself a feminist, because, like Sarah over at Tomato Nation, I know what feminism really means.)

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Short, But Not Sweet.

December 11, 2006 | Filed Under Reader Responses | No Comments

>Date: Sun, 10 Dec 2006 06:55:44 -0800 (PST)
>From: jamie
>Subject: Comments: I want to be a bitch 

>I just got dumped because I was too nice… I’m sick
>of it and want to learn how to be a bitch. Any advice?
>or books you could recommend?
>Thanks,
>~Jamie Lee

Read HBI.  (duh)

heartlessly,
-Natalie

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“Tenacious” Is A Polite Word For Stubborn

December 4, 2006 | Filed Under Computers, Work | No Comments

This week I ran into a problem with a particular Microsoft desktop product. A certain feature wasn’t working the way it was supposed to. Everyone in our office group had the same issue except for the one person who was still at service pack 1.  It was patently clear that there was some kind of bug. (What, you say? A bug in a MICROSOFT product?! Say it isn’t so!).

So I went looking on the newsgroups, and found out that many other people had run into the same problem, and that lo and behold, there was a “hotfix” available for it from Microsoft.  Was this hotfix available for download?  No. You had to call MS support to get it. 

ARGH.

So I went to the MS support website, and followed the maze o steps to get my “one free call” from support (otherwise one has to shell out $35…) The site graciously checked my product ID and announced that MY support had to come from my laptop supplier because the version of the software I had was an “OEM” version – installed by the hardware vendor. That supplier was IBM.

So, I called IBM at the number listed – they were good enough to provide that.  And got punted around to the PC support group (who said they didn’t support desktop software -only hardware), and then to the Server support group (who said they only supported server software and not desktop software), only to be disconnected in the middle of the conversation.  I then called back and got ping-ponged several times again, before I gave up in disgust.  If Microsoft’s slogan is “Where do you want to go today?” then IBM’s must be “You can’t get there from here.”

I called the Microsoft support number directly.  I was not foolish enough to select that keypad option for “if you have software that came pre-installed on your computer, press 1″…. Ah no – I know where THAT would get me – back at IBM. No, this time I went directly to the option for help with a Microsoft product.  After giving all my particulars to the person who answered the call, I explained the problem.  They put me through to another support person who asked that I explain it all over again.  It was really clear he had NO idea what I was talking about and was about tell me to do a series of pointless tests. I ran circles around him verbally and convinced him that I needed a particular hotfix.  He opened a case and sent me an email with details on how/where to download it. 

I installed the hotfix only to find it didn’t solve the problem. 

Double ARGH.

But I wasn’t about to give up. Armed with my trusty-rusty “case number”, I called Microsoft back.

I got through to someone who, after hearing my very lengthy tale of woe, made me call the Canadian support line, where I was introduced to yet another Microsoft person who got to hear the story all over again.  When she took the call and opened with the perfunctory “How are you today?”, I responded, “I’m in technical support HELL”.  There was a long pause.

“Well, let’s see if I can help you.”

Now, to their defense, most tech support people have to deal with complete and utter idiots phoning in.  As one instructor put it, “the only people who call customer support are LOSERS and POWER USERS.” (In case you were wondering, I fall into the latter category).  So when my latest MS support person started asking what I knew to be irrelevant questions, I cut to the chase, explained exactly what the issue was, and made it clear that I had already tried everything she was about to suggest.

From there, we went through a round of emails and voicemails, where I followed various instructions in an attempt to find something that might rectify the problem. I had to satisfy her that I had tried all of the prerequisite reboots, restarts, patch removals and other sundry tests.  Of course, SHE didn’t have the same problem with the software, so it made it even worse.  The one thing that impressed me, however, is that for the first time in my dealings with a customer support organization, I received an email with the person’s full name, her office extension, and the same detailed information for her manager.  I have had to demand a manager’s name on more than one occasion from other companies, but this is the first time someone gave that to me willingly, and without my asking. It was just a standard part of her email signature.

At this point my boss became convinced that it was not something that could be resolved. He made a bet with me that I couldn’t get it fixed before 5pm on Friday.

I don’t think he has any idea how bloody tenacious and persistent I am. ESPECIALLY about software, and especially when a bet for honor and a bottle of wine is on the line.

At 3pm Friday, in the middle of a training course, I received another email with another hotfix.  I installed it, restarted, and LO! the feature we needed finally worked! Of course I let out a loud “YES! YES! YESSSSS!” cheer, which only received groans from my co-workers, and a strange look from the instructor – who later said that people in our particular profession have the attention spans of a ferret on cocaine. (We didn’t disagree). 

To my boss I sent an IM saying “I like Merlot or Shiraz.”

Š

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Hello world!

December 2, 2006 | Filed Under Uncategorized | No Comments

After much pressure from the readership, and much wrangling with WordPress, I have finally put up an honest-to-god blog.  It’ll be easier for me to vent my spleen this way, and easier for me to get comments posted.  Other changes are coming too.  Stay tuned.

 So… this is the inagural post for the “blog” version of the bitchitorial columns. From now on, I’ll be making my bitchitorial posts here.

Old columns can be located at http://www.heartless-bitches.com/bi/bitchitorials-archives.shtml

heartlessly,

-Natalie

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