More comments from the readership

May 3, 2009 | Filed Under Fan Mail, Reader Responses | No Comments

From: “Jacq”
Subject: COMMENTS – thanks for a great site

Dear HBI,

I found your site today, bouncing in on a random blog weblink, and have just had a joyous few hours of reading some of the most hugely entertaining & thought-prodding pages i’ve read anywhere for a long while.

So thankyou. Really. I was cruising the magazine aisles at the supermarket again today, flicking through sci-fi titles & a ‘customise your PC’ mag (for once with no curious guys wondering if I’d got lost looking for the women’s aisles) and I couldn’t resist trawling the women’s titles. Ngh, yes I know, but done in the spirit of enquiry to test if any of them (oh god please, any) had anything remotely interesting to say.

Admittedly that’s an exercise a bit like going back to sample your own ear wax – never any good the first time and repeated testing won’t make the experience any more palatable. However I do like to keep my rile-quotient up and this is a good way to achieve that (naturally *the* best way being to read internet comments, there’s so much anger in cyberspace i’m amazed it doesn’t just explode in a volcano of worldwide vented spleen and cover half the world in abandoned apostrophes and a petrified layer of ‘teh’s).

Of course the offending items (sic) were all full of diets, body-hating mantras, celeb-watching-body-hating, celeb-diet-secrets, celeb-baby-routines, secret-body-hating-celeb-baby-exercise-diet-watching. Er, did I miss out a buzzword in any of those combinations? I suspect they’re written by random-phrase generating subroutines, hell if it works for mission-statements it’s going to be sufficient for the limited range of concepts allowed  anywhere near one of those glossy ana-adverts.

I keep threatening to take some pre-written post-it notes and slap on a few salient comments in a non-permanent protest against the overwhelming tide of pap. A sort of futile one-woman Wake Up Call attempt to prod some schmuck addicted to the promise of A Better Life If You Look Like This!’ to question if they really, really are happy reading the same laxative-induced anal leakage week after week?

See how a simple thankyou so easily turn rantwards?

You’re corrupting me with your insidious HB philosophy that life is supposed to be fun. Shhhh! Don’t make me laugh so much at your acerbic asides to the utter twonks whose email excerpts you share; don’t make me use my brain to distinguish fine subtleties in behaviour that differentiate emotionally abusive behaviour from the healthy relationships we’d like to aim for; certainly don’t make me question my own behaviours when some are mirrored and mentioned and shown up to be not quite as healthy as I would have liked to think. Well, you just went and did all of that. So for that you can just be roundly applauded, so there. Tough cheesy wotsits.

And, not content with beginning a sentence with a conjunction (see? I even need the Grammar Fairy), I’ve bookmarked your site and intend to come back and have a thoroughly enjoyable read again very soon. Not an ‘effin diet in sight, unless it’s how to bake flakey pastry made from the fat harvested from celeb cosmetic surgery. Mmmm. Would love to get that article into the glossy weeklies. Sense of humour my non-lipo’d buttcheeks :P

Mackette The Knife

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Fan Mail

January 23, 2009 | Filed Under Fan Mail, The Heartless Bitch Way | 2 Comments

I’m off on vacation for a week, but before I go, I thought I’d share this with you….

Dear Heartless Bitches,

I came across your site a year ago while researching for a gender studies course I was taking. I was immediately hooked on the “take charge, take no prisoners, take no bullshit” attitudes I found in the Rants, Auntie Dote, The Manipulator Files, Nice Guys? Bleah!, and everything else I had the pleasure of reading. I began to check back for updates and found alot of what I read to be true of what I felt, and it was liberating to know that I was not the only person who felt this way. I started to stand up for myself, call people on their bullshit, tell the truth about what I thought, taking responsibility for my actions, and generally change myself for the better. I also found a strong rolemodel in one of my professors, and began educating myself on issues that were important to me, and started to feel a hell of alot better about myself.

Before I started to take the Heartless Bitch approach to life, I was pretty pathetic. Looking back, I cringe at who I was. I hadn’t been in a solid relationship in two years, and thought it was because there was something wrong with me  (there was, really). I was dating idiots (read: alcoholics, addicts, in relationships) and I could figure out why I “attracted” these types (probably because idiocy attracts idiocy). I asked my male friends (because guys should know what guys want, right? HA!) why I was having problems in the dating arena (everybody wants to be loved, but I’ve since learned not to define myself based on my relationships) and I came across the same answer across the board: I was simply too assertive, too opinionated, too bold, too feminist, too loud, too smart, too intimidating, blah blah blah. Sadly, for a time, I believed them, and I modeled my behaviour based on this. Worst mistake of my life. I didn’t stand up for myself, I let myself be used by misogynistic neanderthals, laughed along with things that were simply not funny. I fell into depression, and I had no one to blame but myself.

When I stopped living based on others opinions of how I should live, and taking responsibility for my actions,  everything started falling into place. I avoided falling into a manipulative relationship after seeing the red flags and trusting my instincts, I found my acedemic passion and will be pursuing an MA in Gender Studies, I found who my true friends were, who respect and accept me for who I am, and I found the most enlightened, intelligent partner, who loves and respects me for my opinions, my assertiveness, my intelligence, my feminism, and who (get this) likes to communicate (jackpot!). In short, I laughed, I cried, and you changed my life. Thanks for helping me see what a  spineless loser I was.

Having struggled with depression since my early teens, having sacrificed my own identity in the past to please others, I can honestly say that stumbling across Heartless Bitches was the best thing that ever happened to me. The future is looking bright and shiny.

My much younger sister is 11. As soon as she hits 16, I’m sending her to the site. I don’t think that’s too early to start bitching.

Thanks, Bitches.
-Lucy

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