I just don’t get it…

by Natalie P.

January 6, 2008 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | 3 Comments

Before Christmas, I received what started out to be a _great_ membership application. This woman really seemed to GET it:

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
  Heartless Bitch.  Sounds downright cold and uncaring but unlike many people out there, I understand the reality (and dichotomy) of both the adjective and the noun.

I refuse to compromise my principles to ease my path because at the end of the night when the house is quiet and I begin poking into those personal thought-places that no one exposes to the world, I have to allow myself to be vulnerable to my own inspection and be accountable to myself for whatever it is that I find there.   I’m not so vain as to imply that I am pleased with my every action, however, I own my choices, work to learn from them, and I actually like the person who looks back at me in the mirror when I awaken the next morning as a result.

I think society and the media in general need a swift kick in the ass.  I will be what I am, regardless of what round hole you want to shove this square peg into.  I think a great deal of my heartless bitchiness was borne through the genuinely heartless (and dollar-grubbing) diet and fashion industry.  Some day the world will learn that being healthy is healthy, beauty isn’t a look or a brand, and not every person wants the same manufactured shape, size, look, and style.

I find that truth (as rare as it is) is something to be polished and untarnished.  Just as I value those who are honest and forthright with me, I value that quality and push hard to maintain that within myself.  I have no problem communicating the truth – even the difficult and even painful honest bits to those I love as long as I believe it is necessary for them to hear it.   I am still capable, however, of delivering that truth in a constructive way that encourages action and empowerment. 

I believe that feminism should be a literal translation of the word, not a handbook for man-hating.  I profoundly appreciate and honor those who suffered, sacrificed, and even died so I could have the rights I do today but I refuse to allow the fact that I am indeed female to bitch and whine about how unfair the world around me is to my gender.  If I see a problem, I work to fix it rather than kick back in my apathetic lazy-boy and whine about it all day.

Which leads me to what may be the deal-breaker of deal-breakers to the HB community, however I certainly hope that is not the case.

MY choice was to willingly submit to the man in my life.  I don’t hide it from the important people in my life.  MY choice was to give to him every part of me that I could possibly give – without reservation and without regret because in relation to *him* specifically, it is where I feel the most natural.  There are many who sit back and tell me I give women a bad name because I choose this place – to them I reply that it was MY damned choice and if that is where I find fulfillment, I’m going to stay there.  I don’t believe it is a “woman’s place” to be where I am.  I don’t believe my choices are right for anyone other than myself and I refuse to live a life less fulfilled to make the masses happy. The MTV-driven, mannequin-like sheeple can all pack sand for all I care.  My life isn’t theirs to live. 

I’m a lot of things to a lot of people.  I have many different hats, however, I wear each one with dignity and self respect – especially the tattered, comfortable old cap which reads “Heartless Bitch” across the front in bright, bold embroidery.

Ok, my first response is this: WHAT. THE. FUCK?  I mean, WHY even GO there?  Why drag out her personal life unless she is looking for validation, or spoiling for a fight? Instgatrix said it best, “Why go there? If she’s such the Rugged Individualist she claims to be, much less refer to it as the “the deal-breaker of deal-breakers to the HB community”? Unless you’re trying to grab the Misunderstood Martyr pole-position, I mean.”

What the fuck does “submit to the man in my life” mean anyway? Her lack of explanation (after having gone down that needless road) speaks volumes.  Is this the whole surrendered wife thing? Is this a D&S thing?  I fail to see how on EARTH a woman can truly embrace and embody the whole concept of PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY and then abdicate all responsibility for her life and her decisions within a relationship to her husband.  As Instgatrix said (and I fully concur with her sentiment): “I am at a loss as to how that crap could possibly co-exist (in a cogent mind, that is) with any sort of progressive or feminist ideals.” (Regardless of any bracketing she may have done).

To make things more interesting, she emailed us after the last round of updates, inquiring as to WHY she was not accepted. It makes it sound to us like she is not so much interested in the answer but looking for ammunition so she can have herself a little lip-quiver over how Horribly Persecuted she is.  It sure doesn’t make us think that she’s just been sitting around hoping against hope to be Understood At Last by some smart and fierce feminists.

It’s a shame. Some part of me wants to know why and how such an obviously intelligent woman could get so completely fucked up when it comes to truly accepting responsibility for her life and her choices.

She was SO close…

(Thank-you for playing, we have some lovely parting gifts…)

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3 comments so far
  1. Moxie January 7, 2008 10:27 am

    She was picking a fight, and you didn’t give her one. I guess she’ll have to go find someone else to put up her dukes toward.

    It must be quite a job being submissive when you’re not really cut out for it. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind my honest opinion, given how brave and honest and open with herself she says she is and how she believes in communicating The Truth to others.

  2. Kimberly January 7, 2008 12:01 pm

    Wow. Wow wow wow. I have met women like this. They will talk the talk, but not walk the walk. So with a lot of pretty words/ideas, she is saying she is “co-dependent” on her husband for “fulfillment.” What’s a sista going to do when “husband” isn’t around? As soon as anyone submits to another human being, that person loses self-esteem and personal power, IMHO. It’s one thing to compromise, meet halfway in order to solve a conflict; however, to “to give to him every part” of yourself is just gross and proves once again that there are people out there who HAVE TO HAVE a mate to be “fulfilled.” I don’t think many people give themselves a fair shot at being on their own before introducing a partner into their life and I think that’s sad.

  3. Bogustoo January 9, 2008 8:35 pm

    Betcha Dear Ole Hubby took her “Heartless Bitch” hat and burned it while she was sleeping. I give it 6 months of “wedded bliss” before DH leaves her for a woman that has opinions.


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