One-Note Whinging Not-So-Nice Guys

by Natalie P.

September 16, 2007 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | 2 Comments

I recently received a comment on my article “The Easy Gene” that I thought I’d share “in column” as it is a poster child representation of why so many self-professed “nice guys” aren’t nice at all.  “tmartin” commented: 

You women always go for men like that so thats what you get stuck with and then you bitch and complain about it. Am I supposed to feel bad when a dumb bitch like you won’t date me because I’m too nice of a guy and then she gets bad treatment from her “bad boy” she bagged? Congratulations, your quite the skilled hunter. Sounds like all the men around you are that way too, must be a genetic thing.

Oh yeah, a guy who calls a woman he doesn’t even know a “dumb bitch”, is such a “nice guy”. A real charmer. Newsflash: The reason women like me won’t date guys like you isn’t because you are “too nice of a guy”, it’s because you are self-absorbed, whinging assholes.

And the irony of this is, WHY would he *want* to date someone he considers to be a “dumb bitch”?  Why would he care if someone he has so little respect for would be interested in dating him?  Could the reason be because by “date”, what he really means is “fuck”? Surely he couldn’t imagine himself in a relationship with a “dumb bitch”, right? 

Instagatrix pointed out that there always seems to be these types trolling around sites and discussions looking for opportunities to spout their one-note whinging that usually has nothing to do with what is being discussed. Such is the case here.

First and foremost, the men I can immediately imagine that match the behavior identified in “The Easy Gene”, are hardly “bad boys”. (I split my sides laughing  imagining my ex-husband as a “bad boy”.  The image is just too hilarious.  In fact, I’d bet money he imagines himself to be a nice guy.) To set the record straight for those dipshits that can’t seem to grasp anything but the end of their own dicks, the article talks about regular married guys who just don’t get it – not some bad-boy biker type who is a deadbeat dad.  The problem with the self-pitying “asshole in nice guy’s clothing” segment of the male population, is that the moment women dare to criticize any kind of male behavior, we are “dumb bitches”, or worse. They look for any opportunity, no matter how specious, to whine about how women are all LYING bitches who only want assholes and bad boys, and deserve to be treated badly, because, at the end of the day, THEY aren’t getting any.

Yep. All of us are bitches.

Because the Nice Guys can’t get laid. 

To reiterate, the article was written about average “good” reasonable guys – upstanding members of the community even, and how so many of them STILL have socialized expectations about what is “women’s work” and that it must somehow be easier for women to do those tasks.  Coincidentally, about two weeks after the post, I saw a show called “Crash-Test Mommy” for the first time, and its whole point is to highlight this misconception.  They take a “traditional” husband-father and let him do all the “Mom” stuff for a weekend and one weekday. In the episode I watched, the father’s grocery shopping experience was so bad he vowed never to take the kids to the supermarket again.  He never got the daughter to soccer practice, even though HE had been the one adamant about her commitment to the sport if she was going to join the team. He fed them junk and fast food (which was against the rules), and didn’t get any of the yardwork done. He miserably failed at doing the things he said SHE should be able to accomplish in that period of time if she just got more organized and delegated more (but of course, not delegating to HIM).  In the end, he ate some crow and conceded it was a lot harder than he had imagined it would be. 

The question left answered at the end of the show was, did he GET that it was just as hard for his wife?  I’m not entirely sure.

The question left at the end of this article is: Will “tmartin” continue to refuse to “get it”, cling to his one-note, poor-me, self-righteous whinging, continuing to insist that women like me (who dare to criticize male behavior) are “dumb bitches”?   The answer: Probably. Because, you see, we still won’t fuck him.

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2 comments so far
  1. Nadia September 17, 2007 2:40 am

    I thought your original post was quite clear about which segment of the male population you were discussing. tmartin’s comment just says to me that he assumes that everything is about him and that us horrible stupid bitches are out there poisoning other women’s minds against him and that’s why he can’t get laid.

    By the way, did you read that article in the NY times about two weeks ago in which a man who decides to work from home talks about how difficult it is to get anything done when you have a house and kids to take care of? The poor little soul can’t understand how he’s supposed to get any real work done when there are constant demands on his time being made by the kids, the house, the repairman, telemarketers, etc. I wonder if he thought the elves had been doing it all this time.

  2. Kimberly September 17, 2007 10:49 am

    Bravo Natalie! You nailed it, as always. I believe this on-going battle between the sexes is really just a lack of communication of needs/desires/ expectations of self and partner. Just recently, I had to say no to a potential dating relationship because of what I felt to be disrespectful, poor behavior from him. Although this person did apologize for “forgetting about a date” that HE initiated, it made me realize that there are males out there who still don’t get that we females aren’t going to be doormats and enable them to be “forgetful” or allow them to give an “insincere” apology. And I know there are women who behave like this as well but since I don’t date women, I must focus on behavior coming from males in the dating arena. I don’t know him well enough to know for sure if he is/isn’t being sincere with his apology BUT I do know he has a pattern of “forgetful” behavior as he has done this to my friends (who introduced me to him) as well. Hmmmm. I’m just glad that I don’t take it personally anymore and can say no to males who behave like this and WALK AWAY PATTING MYSELF ON THE BACK. Ten years ago, I would have easily forgiven and probably would have set myself up for on-going frustration but not anymore. Glad I now recognize the flags from so-called “nice guys”.


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