Creepy Crawlies

by Natalie P.

July 30, 2007 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | 2 Comments

Did you ever meet or know someone who makes your skin crawl?   I know it sounds cliche, but I know someone like that and I almost bumped into him again recently.  I’m not the only one he has that effect on. Other people have told me that he “creeps them out”, and not in some kind of overt, clichéd horror movie kind of way. On the surface he can be charming, helpful, and even appear romantic and loving, but there is a *wrongness* about him that some people can sense right away.

If you end up spending any time around him, you may find him staring at you intently. If you ask him what he’s doing, he’ll say, “I’m seeing you.” If you ask what he means, he’ll try to tell you that he’s just trying to see the real you. What he’s really doing is a)  enacting a manipulative tactic whereby he violates boundaries and tries to unnerve you, and b) looking for weaknesses and vulnerabilities so that he can gain an advantage either now or later.  It’s icky and creepy, but he’ll try to insist it’s just because he genuinely wants to get to know you better.

Despite the fact that being around him makes me feel like I have worms wriggling on my skin, I’m not afraid of him – quite the contrary, I’m fairly certain he is afraid of me.  He once confessed that he was (afraid of me) because I am a Truth Teller. (At least he could see that much).  Whereas he tries to imply that he has some sixth-sense-like ability to “read” or “see” people (which I think is utter crap), I quite simply DO see things that others miss – and in his case, I see the dishonesty, maliciousness and manipulative tactics he works so hard to hide under a veneer of charm and “helpfulness”.  I don’t believe it’s any supernatural ability of mine – it’s simply years of paying attention to subtle cues and behavior patterns.  If you’ve ever read “Blink“, you’ll understand when I say that I can’t always tell you how I know something about a person’s real intent, or how I detect dishonesty or disingenuous actions. Call it a gut feeling. In this case, one that makes it churn. And this guy is afraid of Truth Tellers because we out jerks like him. Our bullshit detectors are finely tuned, and when the alarms go off, we let other people know.

So while I’m not afraid of him, I have no desire to have any interactions with him – He’s one of the few people I have known that make me want to scrub my skin raw with lots of soap and hot water if I’ve been anywhere near him.    I think it’s because guys like him are so manipulative, that every interaction with them is sickly warped and twisted, no matter how hard you try to stay detached.  They are predators who set up no-win situations, projections and slick distortions that can pull the rug out from even the most self-assured and resolute individual. Avoidance is the best tactic.

I haven’t always been able to identify the “Creepy” types right away. Some of the worst manipulators are the best actors, and I’ve been sucked in a couple of times.  However, I’ve always managed to pull myself out and I have learned over the years to trust my instincts. The cues are there if we are willing to pay attention to them. If I sense “wrongness” (no matter how subtle), if my skin feels like something slimey has slithered across it,  I steer clear.

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2 comments so far
  1. Kimberly July 31, 2007 8:23 am

    Wow. I met someone last week who made me feel the same way. On the surface, he appeared helpful and charming BUT once I spent a few hours with him, I noticed him “studying” me and my habits. He started analyzing me and my life, which he knew VERY little about, like he was some sort of therapist/psychic advisor. EEWWW. Turns out he is an alcoholic who just recently went into recovery and is feeling pretty damn insecure about himself. This guy attempted to project HIS insecurities on to me to try to make feel like I was the one who had problems of his magnitude. NOT. Like you, I pick up on behavior/ manipulations such as his (and dude you wrote about) plus the fact that I’m thick-skinned and secure. I actually laughed in his face when he was offended by some of my remarks…very fragile ego. I told him to get his head together and to stop trying to make everyone around him feel as poorly as he does about himself. And of course, I told him to do these things AWAY FROM ME.

  2. Jay Stewart August 1, 2007 1:44 pm

    We have all made mistakes and I know I have done wrong in the past. The important thing is to grow from that past and chart a course for the future that is free from those mistakes. But what I cant stand is when people assume I know what they are thinking. I am not, I am no mind reader and I hate when people wont tell me the truth for fear of hurting my feelings. My response is tell me the truth, The sooner I know you don’t like me, the sooner I can move on and spend time with a person who wants my company. My time is a precious commidity. I am 38 now and life is too short for games.

    Some people mistake my forthrightness and bluntness as mean, to me it keeps the wolves (creeps) at bay and those who are diamonds will shine amongst the slagheap.

    Also I want to add I prefer the friends who give me constant reality checks such as my friend of 20 years Randi (Not her real name) or my significant other of 12 years who ask me questions when I go off, as well always being explicit about her needs and desire because she understands I am not a mind reader. They keep me grounded in reality and being I have an open mind? I listen. I prefer those friends to that syncophantic asshole who pretended to be my best buddy while plotting to bring me down and who can’t understand why I humilated him in front of all his buddies. Then called me a bitch, to which I said “And Proud of It!”

    As Joan Jett once sang in the song “Fake Friends”? “You Don’t Lose When You Lose Fake Friends”

    Anyway, I gotta go now. I don’t know if I agree with everything you say, but you always give me food for thought. Take care!


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