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Natalie P.

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8 comments so far
  1. Roz March 22, 2007 4:19 pm

    Women have got to embrace REAL sisterhood. When men get together they aren’t catty, and backbiting, nor do they dog out the one that isn’t there. They talk about stats, food, jobs, and women – not necessarily in that order. Women talk about the one that isn’t there, and will take your self-esteem under the guise of “keeping you humble”. I am blessed to be in the company of encouraging friends, but there are some that give you half-hearted compliments when you know you look great, calculate how long it will take to steal your man, and basically covet what you have. When I run into someone like that, I ask them what flavor “hater-ade” they are drinking, because it must be delicious! Be fabulous and take care of you! I love this article!

  2. sedna March 23, 2007 4:41 pm

    Nobody ever got seduced out of a wonderful, loving, good relationship? I don’t think this statement is true. Unless of course wonderful and loving and good are defined by the quality “faithfulness”.
    A relationship can be wonderful, loving and good and yet a man or woman might be seduced (although not necessarily out of it). What the partners do with this (f)act can actually shape a relationship further into more wonderful, loving and good. Exclusiveness however much desired and promised by both partners remains an option. People do get into situation that are challenging to their own concept about themselves and do not always act according their own prefab notions about themselves. During a relationship people change and get to know each other and themselves through those changes. Our attractions and desires are always telling us something important about us.
    The fact that a relationship is actually working gives space to “seduction”. The respect and freedom to be ones own person and to accept the fact that our bodies and our sexuality and attractions belong to us no matter how wonderful, loving and good we are with others is the core essence of faithfulness. If there is no real choice there’s no real point in it or real power to it.
    The statement also suggest that a person’s sexuality is defined by the state of his or her relationship. As I see it human sexuality is far more complex than that.

  3. Natalie P. March 24, 2007 3:17 am

    You are making a couple of fundamental mistakes in your assumptions: a) that seduction is always sexual, and b) ignoring the words “out of” in the statement that you quote.

    We can all feel the effects of seduction (all but the most unfeeling and oblivious, that is), however, our choice to act on those feelings is really based on a whole variety of factors which affect and are a part of our existing relationship (i.e. trust, values, respect, love, etc…)

    Can we love more than one person at the same time? Absolutely. But if you are in a relationship whose boundaries and fundamental trust/agreement are based on faithfulness, then yes, faithfulness is a part of a “good” relationship. It’s a foundation of your trust, and without TRUST, you don’t have jack shit.

    This is not to say you can’t come back to the table and try to renegotiate, but if you believe that relationship is good and wonderful and something you want to preserve. and the other person isn’t willing to rewrite the contract, then you don’t give it up for something new and untried. If you do, I will posit that the foundations of the relationship were rocky to begin with. Either because you are unstable and untrustworthy, or because something else crucial was lacking in the relationship which destabilized it.

    I didn’t ever say that a person in a relationship couldn’t feel the effects of seduction – I said that if the relationship is a good one, they don’t succumb to it. They feel it, they notice it, they may even enjoy the attention, but they don’t lie, cheat or give up on a good existing relationship.If someone¬†is seduced out of a relationship, either the relationship was flawed or they are.

    A romantic/love relationship may have sex as a component and boundary, but it isn’t (and shouldn’t be) the sole defining factor. Therefore, whether or not a person chooses ( and I do mean CHOOSE) to act on their feelings as a result of “seduction” has nothing whatsoever to do with the definition of their sexuality in a relationship.¬† Especially in light of the fact that a seduction doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual.

    I am, however, talking about fundamentally monogamous relationships here – where the stated, or unstated contract is that faithfulness is an underlying tenet.

    In poly relationships, it’s much more complex, but the core of my supposition remains the same. You don’t give up (leave, walk away from) something good, trusted and wonderful, for something new and enticing. If you give up your existing relationship for something new and untried, there was something rotten in Denmark (and in the existing relationship or persons participating in it).

  4. Kimberly March 25, 2007 12:14 am

    I have a theory about the whole seduction thing…people are seduced only if the WANT to be seduced. I’m tired of people excusing seduction like it is some uncontrollable event that takes place. If you are in a strong, healthy, solid, name your goodness here relationship, chances are you are not looking or open to being seduced by another. If you are, you are CHOOSING that experience, unless, of course, that other person is holding a gun to your head, eh?

    Natalie, you’ve done it again! Love it! This blog not only touches on some of my own personal experiences, but also sheds much light on just how much women still do compete, in a negative manner, against other women. Kudos to you!! :o)

  5. Natalie P. March 25, 2007 1:03 pm

    Kim, I wholeheartedly agree.

    I think there are far too many things in our lives that people want to shuck of as “beyond my control”, when in fact, they ARE choices, such as choosing to be seduced.

  6. sedna April 7, 2007 5:48 pm

    Indeed, the fact that a relationship is actually working gives choice to seduction whether sexual or not.

  7. marzena May 11, 2007 12:14 pm

    I’m not sure sedna that I understand what you mean by “the fact that a relationship is working gives choice to seduction”. Does it mean that when a relationship is not working, then there is no choice whether you succumb to temptation or not? That’s a strange thing to say. There are relationships that don’t work at the beginning (or during some episode anywhere in the middle) but because people make the right choices, they work things out and are happy together. But, some may make the wrong choices, like get seduced and follow it and then the relationship has no chance to work again. This is clearly due to personal choices and not something predetermined due to external factors.
    Whether a person allows him/herself to be seduced, or desires the attention from more then one person, is a completely different problem. But it’s a problem that is entirely about the person her/himself, not due to anything about the relationship. Most often it’s about low self-esteem and insecurity. People who don’t feel attractive or good enough as they are, they may have a great relationship and will still look for other people to validate them. But people who have a strong, healthy self-esteem will be able to tell whether this relationship is worth to work for and if they decide that it is, they will do anything it takes, sometimes against many obstacles, to build it strong and fulfilling.

  8. sedna May 19, 2007 4:45 pm

    I would like to quote the book “On Love” from the philosopher J.Krishnamurti:
    “Love comes not from the mind, not from thinking, therefor is fearless”. Thoughts of fidelity/infidelity are created by the mind as is fear. The mind would like to insure stability and consistence so as not to be “disturbed” by fear, so as not to “loose” what it considers “having” hence the mind-made contract of fidelity.
    An abusive “unhealthy’ relationship is purely based on power (struggles) therefor there is no “freedom”, all is fear. One can not be seduced from an unhealthy relationship is more true. It’s very hard to free yourself from an unhealthy relationship all together.
    So if in a healthy relationship you choose not to act on the seduction and choose fidelity this does not mean you have not been seduced, it means your relationship is healthy not abusive or power controlled and you can be seduced and choose not to act on it, yet another freedom you have! If you choose not to act on “it” what does the “it” mean?
    It means you have been seduced or have seduced and this means you are a healthy loving, attractive person with choices, the true basis for a healthy relationship anyway.