The “Marrying Type”… but not the good kind…

by Natalie P.

March 16, 2007 | Filed Under Lifestyles of the Heartlessly Bitchy, The Heartless Bitch Way | 2 Comments

Recently, a friend was emailed me about an interesting new guy she met. At first blush he seemed a real charmer. She met him while out at an elegant dance club. An absolute gentleman, he sat down at their table and introduced himself. Exhibit A. They all ended up chatting, hanging out, eventually dancing quite a bit. He said he hadn’t been “out” dancing in 9 years–just signed divorce papers, he did–but god love him, he jumped right to it when a lady asked. He treated her and her friend both to the whole positive side of Latin men–respectful, eager to serve. He was giving off a nice friendship vibe – normal, between adults. A breath of fresh air to find in a club.

He ran his own business. He seemed responsible, and direct. He asked my friend out for coffee, and he didn’t beat around the bush, like so many guys who want to feel you out first. He said, “what are you doing on Sunday?” and then, realizing that she wasn’t sure what she was answering, he rushed to add, “I want to ask you to have coffee with me.” He didn’t discuss the divorce at all, or use it as a ploy for sympathy. He only mentioned it because she ASKED him why he’d been out of circulation for 9 years.

He walked both women back to their cars, and as he was walking my friend back to hers, she told him how nice it was to meet him and how surprised she was to find a gallant and fun guy there. He gave her a kiss on the cheek, and clearly relished it. Then he asked, “may I?” before kissing her straight on! She liked that asking permission bit.

Needless to say, although he was noticeably aroused (!), she noted with merit that he didn’t ask her at that moment if she lived close by, or if they could go to her house. He just said, “Ok, see you tomorrow!” Decency is not completely dead.

It all seemed to be going so well.

But when the next day rolled around, he didn’t call at the time he said he would. He did eventually call later that evening, and it was apparently some kind of “communications” snafu. They talked for quite a while, and that’s when the first alarm bells started going off.

Unfortunately, it would appear that this guy is one of those desperate “Marrying Types”. You know the type – the kind that HAS to be in a relationship, no matter what. The kind that talks about marriage on the second date. The kind that is so afraid of being on his own, looking after himself, that he either has a new wife lined up before the old one is gone, or he’s on the prowl the day she leaves, seeking the next “MRS”. This one seemed to have trouble looking after himself, keeping house, paying his bills on time… No wonder he is on divorce number 2 at age 35. And to complicate matters, it turns out he has kids from both relationships.

This guy was actually dropping the “D” word in this first phone conversation, as in “Destiny”. Yeee! These marrying types are so scary! It’s like the world revolves around being tied up in a couple. I’m not saying being single is a piece of cake, that life isn’t easier when you have two people to do things (like put up a tent, carry a couch, make love, etc.). But, come on, not knowing how to pay your bills on time? What does that have to do with gender, OR culture? My friend calls these types “Barnacle Daves”. She says, “It’s my little nickname for all ye clingy post-marital types, arrrr!”

This guy runs his own company but somehow can’t figure out how to be on time to pick up his kids or show up for a date. But wait, it gets better – they hadn’t even gone out on an actual “date”, and while on the phone he kept asking her about how often she cleans the house. Only a control freak asks about a woman’s house cleaning habits.

Then the next day he calls her, but she’s busy that night and she says that she’s heading out of town on vacation in a few of days (for 3 weeks – which is entirely true) so things are kind of up in the air – she needs to get ready before she leaves. She’s willing to give this guy one more F2F chance – maybe he’d be ok for a fling but nothing serious. Too many red flags are piling up. She tells him she may be in his end of town the next night, and she’ll let him know if she is that evening after work. Sure enough, her plans work out and she is in his neck of the woods. She calls his home number that evening to confirm – no answer, (I filed that one under “dull surprise”) and he apparently doesn’t have a cell. (What independent businessman DOESN’T have a cell these days?).

He calls her that evening, too late, as she is heading home – seems he went out to a bar. Wow. sounds like someone who really wanted to see her. He knew there was a chance she’d call but he went out anyway? And didn’t bother to call her to check?

But wait. It gets better. He calls her the next night, at 12:30 and says he still very much wants to see her before she leaves. What kind of idiot calls someone they barely know at 12:30 at night? He’s never around – he’s blown two opportunities to get together with her, and yet somehow he wants her to believe he’s all hot-to-trot for her.

How many Red Flags doth he wave? Let me count the ways… He wants someone to look after him, but somehow the concept of him being responsible isn’t part of the bargain. He thinks that wooing with words like “Destiny” and talking about camping trips and walks along the beach is somehow going to convince her that he’s “the one”. I think he’s probably dangling/playing several potential new “MRS” and he wants to keep all his options open. Oh, he wants to find MRS Right, and marry all right – but he’s looking for the most desperate, pliable one. Fortunately for her, she’s a Heartless Bitch and sees right through this type. On the positive side, these guys, if somewhat frustrating, do make for interesting email conversations and entertaining blog posts.

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2 comments so far
  1. Kimberly March 16, 2007 8:48 am

    Oh, I definitely feel this one!! A friend of mine actually married one of these guys and she is MISERABLE. I must admit that both of them are “clingers” and HE has admitted this to my face, but also threw her into that as well. She didn’t argue though. When are people going to realize that “clinging” to others isn’t the answer to a happy, loving and healthy relationship? I’m tired of hearing the on-going complaints from people who not only refuse to look in the mirror at their own behavior/shortcomings that attract these types of people but also continually blame the other person for all the relationship issues. Yes, people bring baggage from their past to current situations BUT it is how you handle that baggage and take responsibility for that baggage that counts. In this day and age, it is difficult to find someone over 30 who hasn’t been married, hasn’t had their heart smashed into a million pieces, hasn’t had a child, etc. Without making this into a novella, I will get to my point now. If I meet someone who has 2 kids and is a decent, responsible, healthy and happy human being, I will choose him over someone who doesn’t have kids and is a clinger. Speaking from my own experiences with dating/relationships, you have to have a solid relationship with yourself in order to weed out the assholes/deceivers. Men and women need to wake up to these RED flags BEFORE handing over their time, energy, heart, money.

    Concerned and sympathic,
    Kimberly
    Loyal, fellow HB sista :o)

  2. Amber March 25, 2007 4:48 pm

    That’s not the worst of that type of guy – at least she actually met him face to face before he started going on about “destiny.” It’s really scary when a guy you’ve just starting instant messaging begins talking like that!


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