Be gentle…it’s my first time…

by The Morrigan

November 9, 2010 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | No Comments

Greetings ladies.  Natalie suggested that I begin posting here.  It’s far more time effective, as we’re both busier than hell and the site is in danger of going dormant.

And today, something absolutely horrifying happened to me.

Let me set the stage.

Before I left for work this morning, I glanced in the mirror — with some satisfaction, I must say.  I was wearing an Armani suit (black, of course), some killer black stilettos and a hip length figure hugging turtleneck.  Yow!  I look HOT.   All during my day, my  ego got stroked with compliments — until I had to go to police headquarters to see a 38 year old client in custody.

I strutted up to the desk sergeant, gave him my thousand watt smile and said “I understand you have Mr. X in your cells.  I’d like to see him please. ”  The officer, one constable Ryan, checked his computer.  He then looked me over and said the most appalling thing that any human being has ever said to me in my entire life.

“Who are you, his mother?”

HIS MOTHER?!?!  OMFG!!

“I’m his lawyer!”

“Oh.  Sorry.  Then down the stairs to the left and the cell sergeant will show you to an interview room.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to have a cadet escort me?  I’m not sure my decrepit legs will carry me that far.”

At this point, he looked pretty sheepish and appealed to the officer beside him (a guy I know quite well).  “Help me out here, brother”, hissed P.C. Ryan.   “No way, dude.  You’re on your own.”

My client interview completed, I left the station.  But my ego was in shreds.  Naturally, I saw the humour in the situation and I gave the poor cop a hard enough time that I know he felt bad about it.  But I certainly wasn’t about to leave it at that, especially since the cop was older than me.  So when I got back to the office, I sat down and wrote him a letter on my letterhead.  It read:

“Dear Officer Ryan:  Thank you very much for the kindness you showed me when I attended at police headquarters earlier today.  It is so refreshing to meet a youngster who has such respect for the elderly.  I wanted to express my gratitude in person but I wasn’t sure if my hip replacement would survive the arduous journey from the courthouse.  I would have written this by hand but my arthritis has been acting up and I never did get the hang of these new fangled computer whatsits that you whippersnappers are so fond of.  I’m having my caregiver type this up for me and I hope you don’t think that’s rude of me.  I sure hope this reaches you before the Grim Reaper comes for me — which as you know, could be any minute now.  If we ever meet again, I’ll be sure to thank you in person although I’m not sure I’ll recognize you, my eyes not being what they once were (and assuming the Alzheimer’s isn’t playing me up).

Yours very truly,

etc etc.”

I’m never going to get over this.  I did laugh my ass off but God help this cop if I ever have him in my sights during cross examination.

Morrigan.

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