Take our Canada Geese, Please…

by Natalie P.

June 4, 2010 | Filed Under Random Silliness | No Comments

A friend was recently commenting on how he stumbled across a hunting program while channel surfing. In sick fascination he watched… because they were hunting Canada Geese. They had all this expensive equipment and decoys and a blind set up… and he said, “I just laughed. I mean, all you really need is a bag of bread and a golf club!”

And that’s the truth of it. They are so damn prolific here, and protected, that they are a menace. They shit everywhere, fouling lawns, sidwalks, beaches and bike paths. The feces have parasites which can cause swimmer’s itch.  They nest in our parking lots.  Where there isn’t a speck of water to be seen except when it rains, and then they stand forlornly in the puddles in the middle of the asiles. The are not bright creatures.  We have not been able to teach them to use condoms or birth control to keep the population in check.  They are also viciously defensive and will attack your golf cart (or you) if they think you are too close to their young.

In one tourist-town I inhabited, the debate raged every year – should they allow the flocks to be culled?  Perhaps the birds could be cleaned and given to the food bank? But always some vegan, every-animal-loving protest group would form and make a huge stink, and the birds would stay, and breed, and shit everywhere, unmolested.

And so I say to you my gun-toting, happy hunting American Neighbors… please, when our Canada geese migrate south, take out a few of them!  Hell, take out a bunch!  Declare “Kill a Canadian Goose Day” in your town.  Many Many Canadians will be grateful. Really.

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