Posture, vs Posturing…

by Natalie P.

June 18, 2009 | Filed Under Lifestyles of the Heartlessly Bitchy, The Heartless Bitch Way | 7 Comments

There are way too many web sites out there claiming they can help “Nice Guys” get laid via speed seduction techniques (for a price, of course). Unfortunately, way too many “Nice Guys” are the kinds of suckers who fall for that shit. Let’s face it, they fall for the kind of women who do THIS, too.

And yet, email commentary in the “Nice Guys=Bleah!” section of HBI is proof that not all Nice Guys are misogynistic assholes in wimps clothing.  Some can actually figure out how to grow up into mature adult males.  That being said, I continually get emails from self-professed “Nice Guys” who want some kind of real, concrete advice on what they can do to change, to get the girl, to have a REAL relationship (as opposed to just getting LAID).  Of course, putting aside the fact that HBI’s primary mandate is not to help losers get dates, what it all really boils down to self-confidence and truly liking yourself.  If you are truly comfortable in your own skin and care about yourself, you take care of yourself physically (hygiene, dress, health, etc). You carry yourself differently. You don’t project an air of desperation that the average female can smell a mile away.  But completely changing your personal outlook and growing a spine is a tall order for most doormats. So I’m going to throw you a cookie. One SIMPLE thing you can do, that will start to change your life. Really.  I’m not yanking your chain here.

Remember, you WILL have to change: Not WHO you are, but WHAT you do; your behavior and attitude will have to be modified.  Sitting alone sucking on the self-pity straw, believing that the woman of your dreams should love you just AS YOU ARE (with no effort on YOUR part to be the man of HER dreams), is crap fed to you by too many entitlement-minded psychobabble books.  So don’t be a bitter, narcissistic asshole who sits there expecting the world to revolve around YOU.

I got this from my youngest son, who took one look at a single friend of mine and said (of the guy’s lack of dating success), “I know what his problem is. It’s his posture.”  I thought about it, and I realized he had something there. Not the WHOLE thing, but something significant.

So here’s your cookie. It isn’t going to change your life overnight. It’s not going to magically make you a chick-magnet. It IS however, going to be a step in the right direction, and possibly a springboard for change in your life.

It’s simple: Stand up STRAIGHT.

Yep. Just that. Walk with your shoulders BACK. Not back and raised up – put them back and down, so that it straightens your spine – naturally, not stiff like you have a stick up your ass.  Hold your head up when you walk and when you talk to people. Do NOT round or hunch your shoulders forward. Sit up straight when you work.  This applies to whether you are walking alone on the street, or talking to a man or a woman.  It won’t feel natural at first, but the longer you do it, the more comfortable you will feel. (It’s also better for your back and neck).  Change your posture, and it will have a perceptible effect over time, on your attitude, and on the perception OTHERS have of you. In time that may even translate to changing your own self-perception.  

Oh, and stop reading those stupid speed-seduction sites and lusting after beautiful-but-damaged women. It’s all just so cliché.

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7 comments so far
  1. Jay Stewart June 19, 2009 9:56 am

    Its all about confidence, plain and simple. Even I did not realize I had it, I thought I was a teenager who did not give a shit and years later I found from people thats what made me attractive. I knew I was insecure, but I projected confidence and thats what makes one attractive. Thats what attracted me to my sweetie. People want to be around a winner and when you look at the elections in America and why Obama won? He projected confidence. You have believe in yourself. Because no one else will.

  2. Jay Stewart June 19, 2009 9:58 am

    *to believe in yourself*

  3. Sili June 19, 2009 3:21 pm

    Thank you.

    I don’t read those – luckily.

    She isn’t damaged.

    Cliché is my middle name.

    (not that I believe in signs, but my reCapthca is “sardonic”)

  4. "gunner" July 4, 2009 11:04 am

    your advice is spot on! “head up and squared away” as i learned in the marine corps many years ago, and look people straight in the eyes when you speak to them, (yes, her tits are pretty, but her face will tell you what she’s thinking.) what you’re saying has, over the years, given me a loving wife and many good female friends. guys reading this listen to the lady, she’s giving you the straight skinny, no “magic”, no bullshit, just truth.

  5. Buzzard September 27, 2009 11:39 pm

    I think you’ve got something there.

    Posture could explain people’s reactions to me in daily life. When I am out in public, usually I am either avoided by other people, or at least treated as completely invisible.

    Unless, of course, I’m in an angry mood when I head out. Then, people seem to treat me as more normal. Some even start conversations.

    This has always seemed to me the opposite of what I should expect. Why would I find people willing to talk to me and joke around when I’m mad, yet be avoided like the plague when I’m not?

    Reading your blog entry, I think my posture may be the key. Normally, I feel like I’ve no right to look people in the eye, no right to hold my head up in this world. Unless I’m mad enough not to give a damn.

    I’ll have to start practicing that.
    (the posture, that is, not the being mad)

  6. QZ October 4, 2009 12:33 am

    In fact, those seduction web sites (of which “speed seduction” is only one type) can’t help “nice guys” get laid. The whole point of the seduction community, as it is known, is that you can’t get laid if you are the stereotypical “nice guy”, which I gather is one point that is agreed with on this site. The posture improvement you recommend would definitely be agreed with by just about any “seduction guru” out there, among many other points.

  7. QZ October 4, 2009 12:40 am

    In fact, I would even go so far as to say that the so-called seduction community (described in detail in Neil Strauss’s book The Game) is not “the enemy” of empowered women in any real sense. I’d say they’re more the nemesis of those who go by “The Rules” and all that other manipulative, pseudo-romantic claptrap, and that the same could be said of this site.


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