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Natalie P.

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4 comments so far
  1. Momo June 5, 2009 3:35 pm

    Thank you. I was raised by strict parents, and although they went overboard (living vicariously through me, grounding me for getting a 95 rather than 100, always comparing me to Asian, Indian, and Middle Eastern kids), it did help prepare me for the real world. I am so disgusted with people my age and younger in the workforce. They think that work is an extension of their social life and that life should be fun and fair.

    My parents have cooled down now, and I’m happier with the job they’re doing with my younger siblings. They don’t ask me when I’m going to “move up” and become a doctor (I’m an RN), and they’re encouraging my younger brother to go into things other than academics rather than label him a dunce. However, they still push us past complacency and make it clear that a D minus is not tantamount to an A.

  2. Possum June 12, 2009 9:35 am

    I too have wondered where kids today get the impression that they are entitled to things that we would have had to work towards when we were their age, irrespective of whether our parents could have afforded it. I am saddened on occasion by school policy that wont let kids fall flat on their faces at times, just in case they get upset about it. How will this prepare them for the real world, where there is no one to prevent you from falling (failure) at times. They will leave school thinking that they are entitled to be kept from having to fail and someone else will be responsible for the mess.
    My eldest two are just entering the horrible stage of puberty, and for a while were developing a very nice little entitlement complex. I sat them down and very quietly explained that, yes there were certain things they were entitled to just because they were born, but not the things they thought.

    I told them that are were entitled to an education from their parents, up to the end of high school (and help to study and learn if they need it, but i wont do it for them). They are entitled to our love and respect as our kids forever. They are entitled to healthy food for sustenance, clothes to keep them warm/ cool/ decent. They are entitled to shelter until they can afford to emotionally and physically leave home. These are your entitlements. Anything else is icing on the cake, and when affordable and deserved we will endeavour to either get them for you (as presents)or help you to earn enough to purchase them for yourself (by giving you jobs to do). But you are not automatically entitled to them.
    Funnily enough it seems to have worked. They have both stopped demanding that myself and partner get them something now and have on several instances done jobs for us and our neighbours in order to earn it themselves. These things have consequently become prized possessions that they take care of, because they mean something, other than just a new thing they had to have that gets broken when they get bored with it.

  3. Eva November 4, 2009 6:37 pm

    “If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that.”
    -Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

    I have been trying to find the words to say that properly for _years_. Thank you.

  4. AK November 6, 2009 11:00 am

    You’re dead right about the difficulties of parenting twenty year olds vs legal minors.

    I met a woman whose 28 year old son recently *died* from swine flu. He had been healthy, no known medical risk factors.

    When I told two women friends of this, they both groaned. Both revealed they had sons in their twenties. Both women had been hounding their sons to get the swine flu vaccine and both boys, influenced by delusions of immortality were refusing. And–there was nothing the two women could do about it–the sons were too old to be picked up and carried to a pediatrician’s office. And in the case of the 28 year old, he resisted being taken to the hospital and only went there because (bless her) his girlfriend raised holy hell and dragged his ass in on Day 4 of the illness. The guy died, but at least his mother has the faint consolation of knowing he didnt die from negligence–thanks to his girlfriend.

    BTW, thank you very much for having written this:

    “In business, if you go to a venture capital firm to borrow money, they have VERY tight control on what you do with that money – how you spend it, what information you disclose back to them, and how you pay it back. Kids today, on the other hand, seem to think we should loan them cash with impunity, (and some think they are actually ENTITLED to it) and without having the right to say ANYTHING about how they might spend that money”

    I live in a city overwhelmed with beggars and pandhandlers, that also has a plethora of social services for those willing to tell a case manager to truth and avoid bad companionship.

    I have felt shitty and guilty about not wanting to support toxic street culture by giving money to beggars.

    Your information about venture capitalism and the accountability it places on those who panhandle wearing business attire was just what I needed to firm up my own resolve.

    If you have spare funds and want to make a difference, see if the department of social work at your local county hospital can make use of it–the social workers often pay out of their own pockets to find cab and bus fare for clients.

    Never do anything from guilt or shame or in haste, especially giving out money or letting someone move into your space.