Fan Mail

by Natalie P.

January 23, 2009 | Filed Under Fan Mail, The Heartless Bitch Way | 2 Comments

I’m off on vacation for a week, but before I go, I thought I’d share this with you….

Dear Heartless Bitches,

I came across your site a year ago while researching for a gender studies course I was taking. I was immediately hooked on the “take charge, take no prisoners, take no bullshit” attitudes I found in the Rants, Auntie Dote, The Manipulator Files, Nice Guys? Bleah!, and everything else I had the pleasure of reading. I began to check back for updates and found alot of what I read to be true of what I felt, and it was liberating to know that I was not the only person who felt this way. I started to stand up for myself, call people on their bullshit, tell the truth about what I thought, taking responsibility for my actions, and generally change myself for the better. I also found a strong rolemodel in one of my professors, and began educating myself on issues that were important to me, and started to feel a hell of alot better about myself.

Before I started to take the Heartless Bitch approach to life, I was pretty pathetic. Looking back, I cringe at who I was. I hadn’t been in a solid relationship in two years, and thought it was because there was something wrong with me  (there was, really). I was dating idiots (read: alcoholics, addicts, in relationships) and I could figure out why I “attracted” these types (probably because idiocy attracts idiocy). I asked my male friends (because guys should know what guys want, right? HA!) why I was having problems in the dating arena (everybody wants to be loved, but I’ve since learned not to define myself based on my relationships) and I came across the same answer across the board: I was simply too assertive, too opinionated, too bold, too feminist, too loud, too smart, too intimidating, blah blah blah. Sadly, for a time, I believed them, and I modeled my behaviour based on this. Worst mistake of my life. I didn’t stand up for myself, I let myself be used by misogynistic neanderthals, laughed along with things that were simply not funny. I fell into depression, and I had no one to blame but myself.

When I stopped living based on others opinions of how I should live, and taking responsibility for my actions,  everything started falling into place. I avoided falling into a manipulative relationship after seeing the red flags and trusting my instincts, I found my acedemic passion and will be pursuing an MA in Gender Studies, I found who my true friends were, who respect and accept me for who I am, and I found the most enlightened, intelligent partner, who loves and respects me for my opinions, my assertiveness, my intelligence, my feminism, and who (get this) likes to communicate (jackpot!). In short, I laughed, I cried, and you changed my life. Thanks for helping me see what a  spineless loser I was.

Having struggled with depression since my early teens, having sacrificed my own identity in the past to please others, I can honestly say that stumbling across Heartless Bitches was the best thing that ever happened to me. The future is looking bright and shiny.

My much younger sister is 11. As soon as she hits 16, I’m sending her to the site. I don’t think that’s too early to start bitching.

Thanks, Bitches.
-Lucy

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2 comments so far
  1. Kimberly January 24, 2009 9:52 am

    Awesome…I have referred HBI to a few “acquaintances” (who have come to me for advice) and then they came back and told me it was “too harsh” for them. I told them to not bother me anymore with their issues if they aren’t willing to do the personal work to turn their lives around. Congrats Natalie and Lucy!

  2. Vijay February 17, 2009 3:18 am

    Man, this thing is gonna change my life.

    I know it!!!


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