Guys and “Dolls”? Eeeeewwwww

by Natalie P.

August 19, 2008 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | 10 Comments

So my son’s GF sent me this link to a supposedly REAL documentary on guys and their REAL DOLLS (TM).

I watched with morbid fascination. Kind of like watching a train wreck.

I was aghast. “Are you sure this is a REAL documentary?”

“Well it’s by the BBC. I’m fairly certain it’s real.”

“Yeah, but the BBC brought us that documentary on Spaghetti trees.”

That being said, this appears to be a real documentary and not a spoof – despite all appearances to the contrary. 

I mean, we saw (and riffed on the Bitchboard) these “creations” when they came out over 10 years ago. Back then I remember they were over $5K!  I can’t imagine how much they are NOW.

This documentary follows men who own real dolls, a Real Doll creator, and a Real Doll “Repair” guy…. I know what you are thinking about that last one – or at least, you SHOULD be thinking… EEEEEWWWW! The worst was when he was pulling apart a vagina, WITHOUT GLOVES ON, describing how “violent” sex is, really. Well apparently it is (violent) for doll owners.

What creeped me out the most wasn’t so much that these guys TALK to their dolls, or have sex with their dolls, or take them for drives in their cars, or change their faces so they can pretend the doll is SLEEPING after sex…  It wasn’t even that they use these dolls to totally AVOID dealing with and working on their own social interaction problems. What creeps me out is how they HANG the dolls by a loop in the back of the neck to change, make up and otherwise work with the doll. It’s beyond CREEPY. It’s like something a serial killer would do with a victim. 

And sick as it is, the computer geek in me couldn’t help thinking critically about the technology – you’d think in over 10 years it would have progressed. I mean, sure the dolls are around 100 pounds and have teeth and tongues (and vaginas), and have realistic joints in their bodies, but what about it making sounds instead of just laying there, deaf, dumb and blind and looking catatonic? Are all their “clients” necrophiliacs?  What about some kind of semi-autonomic movement? When I was a child, I had a doll (the only one I liked – is it any surprise that I HATED most dolls?) that would open and close it’s eyes at the flip of a magnetic wand. That was over FOURTY YEARS AGO. Surely someone could come up with technology similar to that on real dolls so that the owner didn’t have to PULL OFF THE FACE and put another one on, just so he could pretend she was SLEEPING? Surely the eyes could move and follow a person in the room (we have $100 webcams that can do that).  Surely, for a premium price they could add a LITTLE more interaction? 

 OK. I’m creeping myself out now.

Honestly,  one guy – the 39 -yr-old from Virginia, who showed off his collection of guns as well as his DOLLS, made me think – maybe his dolls are stopping him from going and taking those guns and using them on a MacDonald’s full of people. He says the reason he can’t get a real woman like that is his complexion and his teeth – but for the amount of money he spent on dolls, he could have that easily fixed.  Truth IS, the reason a guy can’t have a relationship with a woman is his PERSONALITY, and fixing the problems with THAT takes work real work. It takes more work than most men are willing to put in. 

The 50-something guy from England was just sad. He’d never had a girlfriend, lived with his mother until she died, and made some comments  indicating that people just REACTED TO HIM strangely.  He could be surrounded by attractive women but they didn’t respond positively to him.  He even based his self-worth on the fact that he flies a hang glider, imagining himself as some kind of superhero (his word), but lamented that women just want the guy with the pint in the pub. (Sounds like our classic “Nice Guy” whiner, right?).  He seemed genuinely perplexed as to why women didn’t find him attractive based on his chosen sport. 

Well DUH.

You are the kind of guy who has sex with DOLLS. The kind of guy who dresses them up and talks to them and pretends they are sleeping after sex. The kind of guy who keeps a mausoleum room to his dead mother.  You RADIATE “fucked up weird” and “objectify women”. Women pick up on that kind of “not normal”,”obsessive”, weird-assed shit – at least the SANE ones do. The staring intently and inability to carry on a normal conversation are usually dead give-aways too.

The bf walked into my office as I was viewing the video and stayed for a few minutes, rapt in abject horror and fascination.  The youngest spawn watched only part of the documentary with the same look of revulsion on his face and said, “Fucked. Just fucked.” 

The next night we were out with a group of friends in a rather busy, noisy environment. The bf and I discussed it in that limited way that the bf discusses anything:

me: You know, I was thinking about that Real Doll thing and sadly, I can think of a couple of people we know who might be the types to have one or more hiding in their closets.

bf: (knowing nod)

me: You think so too? How many?

bf: (shows two fingers)

me: Me too! Who?

bf: (look that says: I can’t say right now. Other people are present)

Me: whispers: [name withheld] ?

bf: (knowing nod – and SMIRK)

Me: And?

bf (another knowing nod and SMIRK)

Me: DAMN. We picked the same two. 

bf: (*SMILE*)

The ONLY positive thing I can say about guys who feel compelled to substitute real human interaction with “Real Dolls” is that at LEAST they aren’t breeding. At least their genetics are no longer propagating.

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10 comments so far
  1. Chai Latte August 20, 2008 10:24 pm

    Oh my God, that’s creepy. I may have to sleep with the light on….and a can of pepper spray by the bed, just in case.

    Yeah, you can definitely pick out the creeptacular guys within five seconds of conversation. With the extreme cases, you only need to look at them.

    I need to go and be sick now. URGH.

  2. Mercurial Georgia August 23, 2008 4:28 pm

    Ah, I’m reminded of an anime smut fic I read years and years ago, Tenchi Muyo…where all the female characters except one (which was turned into a pony!?!) was plasticized mid raep. I wondered at the time if the writer was a straight version of that gay serial killer who is so Lonely that he keeps rotting corpses of his victims around…but now I wonder if he has a Real Doll.

    As creepy as stuff like this is, I’m glad that they are using Real Dolls, better a hunk of plastic on that hook than me! Next, we need to invent the holodeck…build a holodeck colony and just unload these fucks unto it.

  3. "gunner" August 23, 2008 6:36 pm

    i saw a site for these “dolls” back a while, my reaction was much the same as your bf, and youngest spawn, “they’re kidding? please tell me they’re kidding.” thanks but no thanks, i prefer a real living breathing woman, like the one i sleep next to. she may not be perfect but she’s good company, and i’m far from perfect too, but we do get on together, and have for 42 years so far.
    “gunner”

  4. Mierin September 1, 2008 6:19 pm

    That really is creepy. While I have no objections to toys to enhance things, it’s the way the guys refer to the dolls as if they’re real people that really creeps me out.

  5. Kimberly September 4, 2008 7:49 pm

    Ah, GROSS!! Twisted, just DAYUM twisted. As you stated, “at least they aren’t breeding.” Why can’t they just use their hands…sheesh.

  6. BW September 17, 2008 9:37 pm

    I had a similar thought, watching the guy from Virginia: Maybe if that guy who killed (and attempted to kill) hikers on the Appalachian Trail had a Real Doll or two, he might have had enough of a “life” not to do what he did. Who knows, though?

    The one that creeped me out more, though, was the guy with the weird haircut who talked about how he and his doll would “miss each other” when he sent her off for repairs and made other comments suggesting he thought the doll had actual feelings. Like they had a real relationship. At least Mike, the guy with eight dolls and, for a while, an actual girlfriend pointed out the dolls were just dolls and provided no companionship whatsoever, “and you’re going to want that.” Well, no, some of these guys clearly didn’t.

    And my God were some of them terrible at applying makeup, even after having these dolls for years.

  7. TW Lasty October 21, 2008 1:42 am

    Sure what those men do is gross from your point of view. But what I find sexist is that vibrators are seen as empowering, but male sex toys like these dolls make the owner seem like a freak. Where’s the justice in that?

    And the “At least their genetics are no longer propagating.” comment is bull. You think their genetics have anything to do with their behavior? No, it’s because society rejected them. They’re probably decent people who are just scared off. Hell, if there were a lot less people in the world like you, they might night be afraid to go out and talk to someone.

  8. Ivana October 22, 2008 3:19 pm

    TW wrote: “They’re probably decent people who are just scared off. Hell, if there were a lot less people in the world like you, they might night be afraid to go out and talk to someone.”
    I disagree. It is quite possible for an ordinary man to go out and talk to someone, which is proven by overwhelming majority of men who do it every day, regardless of how much persons they talk to is heartless or bitchy (or female).

  9. Butcherbaby January 19, 2009 12:25 am

    TW, vibrators don’t have faces. nor do people think they have feelings, or purport to have complex emotional relations with them. that’s makes a big difference in the creeptacular freakiness of it. personally, if i knew of women owning male dolls and having the same kind of reactions to them, i’d find that just as freaky too.

  10. Max Sedenka December 17, 2013 4:41 pm

    Trash articles like this are why guys like that continue to retreat further into a fantasy world.

    Women like the author and some of her responding cronies have no idea what it’s like to be constantly rejected by women for decades and having no outlet for companionship and sex. And, just as it typically is, these same women who would never give these “creepy” men the time of day, are the same women judging what they do to cope with that rejection. Clearly, you’d rather they just kill themselves.

    Cheers to your selfish, self-absorbed outlook on life, ladies. You truly are shining examples of the compassion of humanity…


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