One side of a phone call between my offspring

by Natalie P.

June 27, 2008 | Filed Under Parenting, Random Silliness | 1 Comment

[ here. talk to your brother]  (passes phone) 

What are you wearing?
You are going poop?
That’s OK, lots of people get lonely when they go poop.
I know this girl who announces she has to go poop, and then grabs her cell phone.
You know, usually, I just READ when I’m on the toilet.
Did you tell [your girlfriend] that you were on the toilet?
Oh, that’s very sweet that you’d hold your poop while talking to your girlfriend.
Since the camaraderie and friendship is so tight tree planting did you get one of your buddies to push it back up in for you?
No, I didn’t say anything I just blacked out. Did you hear something?
Did anyone at least have the decency to give you a reach around?
Oh, they were catching?
No, that’s what guys say about their girlfriends.

No. No. No. It was with a girl.  You know. Shut up. You just don’t get it do you?
No. It’s with a woman. And it’s not. Though it’s just unfair if I’m not invited.
Yes. I’ll hold the camera.
(laden with sarcasm) Gee… that does sound enticing.
Did you?
Well gee golly that sounds exciting. Really.
No, they are the friendliest kinds of natives. Ask anybody.
They don’t know how to throw tomahawks anymore, that’s a thing of the past.  Now they organize their fur trading on blackberries and shit and drive around on segways.
Gee. That’s a change. Natives selling drugs. When did that happen?

How do you poop for that long? I mean, I just hate sitting on the toilet for that long. My legs get numb.
Heh. heh. That would totally suck.
That would be so unfun.
Twice.
I’m pretty good aren’t I?
yeah.
I can hear it flushing though.
Alright, bye.
I’ll think about it.
OK. Fair enough. Will do. Alright.
Bye.
Oh Yeah. Thanks. Now.
Bronze Medal.
Piece of shit.

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1 comment so far
  1. bunyip July 17, 2008 8:48 am

    do your “spawn” read this?

    Conversation between me and my brother. sibling 1 and sibling 2 – because we’ve had this conversation more than once…

    phone rings
    s2 – hello?
    s1 – Hi, ‘s me
    s2 – Hi, smee, what’s happening?
    s1 – (suspicious) sounds kind of echoey in there
    s2 – yeah, don’t ask.
    s1 – why the F*ck did you answer the phone on the dunny? I’m hanging up now.
    click.


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