Comments from the readership

by Natalie P.

May 25, 2008 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | 1 Comment

Now and then I get positive feedback from the readership on some of the more serious parts of HBI.  (The nut-jobs are currently being reviewed by The Morrigan as our Bitch-Bouncer Stand-In until Jade’s return).  I thought I’d share a couple today.

This one is from Carol T.:

Hello,

Natalie P. has done a great job at describing the experience of emotional abuse and of describing the behavior of an emotional abuser. She adequately put into words the experiences and behaviors that are confusing and hard to describe when one is not familiar with the overall context of emotional abusive tactics. For example, it is difficult to explain the experience of emotional abuse when the rolling of eyes, disapproving looks and joking insults sound relatively harmless to one who may have never experienced the total mind and spirit F*** of emotional abuse.

Anyway,  I wanted to write to thank Natalie P. for writing the article “Emotional Abusers”. Although my relationship is over now (physically anyway), I refer to the article when I fall back into thinking that “maybe it was my fault as he seems so wonderful to the new woman in his life, she must be stronger than I was and he must love her more than he ever did me …”. The article always helps me snap back into reality, which is appreciated!

Carol

And more recently this one from Donna R.

I just wanted to send a compliment and a thank you for your excellent and insightful page on covert emotional abuse.  I am a psychotherapist and Googled “subtle abuse” hoping to find something of benefit for a new client who is just starting to do a damage assessment from a relationship in which the abuse was primarily psychological and very subtle, very effective at making her feel responsible, and thus very hard to pin down.  I love doing research for my clients (note: be afraid of therapists who think they know all the answers).

I didn’t really expect to find much out there, but your article was ranked highest, and I found no need to look any further.  You totally nailed it.  As a former clue-challenged, nice, naïve girl who wound up eating mountains of the same shit by being ever-so devoted, selfless, and self-effacing, with a clue deficit enough to last 7 long years of marriage to a sick, sorry, arrogant, narcissistic weakling of a so-called man, while being stripped of any shred of self-esteem I ever had in the process, I know what it’s all about.  Therapy is what helped me recover and thus inspired me to become a counselor.

This article and the site itself will no doubt prove quite therapeutic for some of my clients, so thanks in advance for the many souls that may avoid learning the hard way or heal and recover a bit sooner.  Unfortunately there was no internet at the time of my living hell in the late 80s and early 90’s, and recovery took a number of years because it took so long to wake up to the reality of what kind of bus I was actually hit by: the Personality Disorder Express.  Roses can grow even if buried in shit, and that is what happened—turned me into a successful therapist with an authentic voice on the subject.  I’ve come a long way baby, and the good news is that anyone, no matter how stomped on can too—life after Hades can be sweet, and happy relationships with healthy men can be had. 

Bitch on!

Donna R
Austin, TX

It’s gratifying to find that the articles posted are helping women (and men) out there recognize shitty behavior and arm themselves against it, but I still find myself pleasantly surprised each time I receive an email like one of these.  It seems that when the clue-by-four connects, we hit a home run.

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1 comment so far
  1. Irim May 30, 2008 8:59 am

    Hi there,

    I just wanted to agree with everyone who has written in and told you how helpful your files are, but I’d like to thank you for helping me with my *father*, and in turn helping me to understand why my mother is the way she is. God, crazy making – what a perfect phrase. And it’s worse when you’re 10 b/c you don’t have a reality to compare it to. It has meant I can really work on issues at the root of the problem and *know* that I was never the deficient one – he was.

    And I don’t have to put up with this cr*p anymore, because I AM FINE and can be with MEN WHO ARE FINE.

    Thank you so much.

    Ixx


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