Not that I give much
credence to these things, but my horoscope said that "Something completely
unexpected" would happen today.
So I began to ponder,
what "completely unexpected" thing would I *like* to have
happen? Would the recently-ex boyfriend call and apologize for being
such an utter coward? No.... based
on his own statements, I can only conclude THAT would be beyond the
realms of possibility. As far
as I can tell, THAT Lie-on™ has not yet
found the yellow brick road, much less located the wizard. The fact that opportunity actually knocked
TWICE for this guy, and he BLEW it both times,
is lost on him. Sadly, this is yet another case of thinking he'd be DIFFERENT with me. Fortunately, I "wised up" in record time. But I’ll rant
about THAT, another time.
So what could it be? Well,
if I anticipated it, it couldn't be "unexpected", now could it?
My work day was uneventful.
No "completely unexpected" happenings there.
But then, at kickboxing
class tonight, "The Cute Guy" (TCG) showed up. I haven't seen him
there for *months*.
Watching TCG, surreptitiously, is my guilty pleasure. Knowing he is there
in the class is better than having any personal trainer. It’s better than chocolate. Now don't go thinking I'm some sort of
weirdo stalker. Beyond the pleasantries of class, I have made no other moves towards
him, nor would I. I rationalize, to
myself and my friends, that my attraction is just “appreciating beauty in
nature”.
I don't know what it is.
He's no Ben
Browder, (who is more age-appropriate for me to lust after anyway), but
there is just SOMETHING about him that I find incredibly attractive. He can't be more than 25 or 26
years old. He's tall (I LIKE tall), and lean, and muscular in a fumblingly cute
kind of way. He's *strong*, but not terribly smooth or fluid with his moves -
he reminds me of a puppy still trying to grow into its feet. And as terrible as
I am with names, I remember HIS name.
Maybe it’s his eyes. He has
really adorable eyes, and a cute smile.
I USED to be attracted to
men at least a few years older than myself.
Then I had a boyfriend for a few years, who was 13 years my junior, and
I admit it, I developed an (*ahem*), appreciation for younger
men. TALL younger men, to be more specific. But HE approached ME. I want
to make that perfectly clear. He knew some mutual friends and captivated my
attention by sending me an email that started with, "I don't know why I am
doing this. I feel like I am sticking my hand in a virtual cuisinart, but what
the hell..." I’m a sucker for a
brilliant man who can make me laugh, and nobody has ever made me
laugh the way he did. He was certainly the smartest, most creative person I
have ever loved, and of all my ex's, he is the one I have the most respect
for post-breakup.
I remember when I told
another woman that I worked with, that I was living with a hot guy, 13 years younger. She looked at me, made signs of supplication, and said, "You are
my HEEEEERO!"
It's not that I have
anything against approaching men in general. I've done my share both online and
off, but I find this attraction to much younger men terribly disconcerting,
because I LOATHE the term "cougar".
The societal double-standard frustrates the hell out of me. GUYS don't have any
negative labels if they date women who are 15-20 years their junior, but if a
WOMAN does that, WELL, *that's* just nasty and improper! It frustrates me even
more that I succumb to the negative connotation, and mediate my behavior
accordingly.
Of course it doesn't help
when my son (in college) finds out I'm dating someone new, asks how old the guy
is, and when I said "41", he pipes up with "You're dating
someone your own age???! WOW. That's a shock!" (Like I date ONE much
younger guy.... well, ok TWO, much younger guys (is a decade "much"
younger?), and all of a sudden I have this cougar "rep" with my
kids!)
And to be honest,
aside from that one really rare exception who was brilliant, I have
little in common with men that much younger than me. No matter how HOT a guy is, no matter
what age he is, my libido can instantly DIE if they open their mouths
and DRIVEL comes out. (Maybe that's why I don't actually make much
attempt to talk to TCG. Perhaps I'm afraid it will shatter the illusion
if he's not a bright bulb?)
I’ll take plain and slightly pudgy if they are SMART and funny,
over hard-bodied, good-looking
and DUMB any day. Of course, I have some high standards for self-awareness
that pretty much writes off most PEOPLE on the planet, never mind
MEN.
And sadly, most men
today STILL get their ego’s in a knot if the woman makes more money, and
wields more power than they do.
I don’t want a submissive either. (Yech!) The guy
has to be able to think and act like an EQUAL. He has to have genuine,
well-grounded self-confidence.
That's a tall order when the guy is behind in more than a decade of
experience and wisdom….
So, TCG unexpectedly shows
up to class after months of absence. A rather nice surprise. I felt
particularly self-conscious because I'd been away for one month (flu and an
knee injury), so I my stamina was low (miss 2 weeks of kickboxing,
and you feel like you are starting over), but I've lost about 10lbs on the
"breakup diet", so I looked *much* better than I have in past weeks.
And I haven't lost my strength.
TCG
showing up at class was a pleasant "surprise", but I'll let you
in on a secret: When I thought about surprises I'd like to have today,
having TCG show up to class was on the top of my list.
And he showed
up.
The thing is, completely
unexpected, but highly coincidental things OFTEN happen to me. I think I live in a well of synchronicity much of my
life.
The strangest
"coincidences" happen to me. They come in clusters, like a sinusoidal wave
or something. The weirdest coincidence, though, still cracks me up when I think about it.
It was about 8 months
after I had given birth to my second son. I had moved 250 miles away from my
home town. I got married, and was doing the family/career thing.
One Saturday morning on a
long weekend, I was helping out with registration for a local Triathlon. We had
set up in a park near the lake. As women will do, we were checking out all the cute guys, and making comments after they left.
At one point, there was a lull in the registrants checking
in, and so some of the women in our registration team started talking about men and relationships in general.
A couple of women were feeling particularly bitter about their inability to
find men suitable for sustainable relationships. In particular, these two had been "dumped" by guys,
multiple times. So many times in fact, that they were discussing starting
something called "The DUMP Club". (I TOLD you they were feeling
bitter, but at least they had a sense of humor about it!). A few other women chimed into the
conversation, and all had stories about incidences of getting
"dumped".
Now I had met my then-husband
at the age of 18. I had only had 3 semi-serious boyfriends before him. So I
didn't feel like I had the same kind of bitterness necessary to join "The
DUMP Club". However, I DID chime in with my own story.
I told them that I had only
been dumped by ONE guy - a "jock"-type, when I was 17, and I hadn't
seen him in over 8 years. I told the girls that I doubted I would ever see him
again, but IF I DID, I wanted it to be when I had lost remainder of the weight I gained
during the pregnancy, so that I looked like a million bucks, and he could
KNOW what it was he lost... (he was ALL about the physical).
At that VERY MOMENT.... And
I mean AT THE MOMENT THE WORDS LEFT MY MOUTH.... He started walking towards me across the
park. It was as if some God up there,
(Probably LOKI) had heard the
words and said, "Ah HA! I'll GET
you for THAT one!"
I hadn't even THOUGHT of
this guy in years! (And I
DON'T *think* I said his name three
times....) What are the chances?
So he walked up to the
registration area, with another guy. I
could hardly speak. I found myself stuttering. "D-D-D-Dave! Hey. What are YOU doing here?" (Yes, his name was "Dave". Isn't that just SO cliche?)
Seems his friend was
registering for the triathlon, and he was in town for some softball
tournament. So he asked me what
*I* was doing there. Oh, I told him, I live here now. Married, two kids, all that....
And so I asked about him,
"How about you? Are you
married?"
"Nope."
"Engaged?"
"Nope."
(Now it's like a game)
"Girlfriend?"
To which his BUDDY chimed
in, "Not THIS week."
Ahhhh.... THANK-YOU Loki,
for getting me OUT of a relationship with that guy in under 6-months, and
minimal scarring.
You see, he was the kind of
guy that ALL the girls were after, and he LET YOU KNOW IT. There was this
constant, not-so-subtle message that if you didn't live up to his expectations,
there were numerous OTHER women waiting in the wings to take your place. I
HATED that - not that other girls were interested - but that he flaunted it and
used it to try and control me and my behavior. Not to mention the fact that he
was DUMB AS A POST, and tried to tease me for getting "A"s in
school. I met up with him when I was
kind of at a low-point, so I was a bit susceptible, but the break-up (dumping)
was because I refused to put up with his shit. I admit that after we split, I
drove up to his place and DUMPED all his belongings at the end of his driveway,
and seriously considered dating his OLDER brother just to piss him off. (I
never did). I remember that his mother APOLOGIZED to me for his immaturity. It was one of those "learning" experiences we all have to go through.
The only truly redeeming
quality this guy had, if you can call it that, is there was some kind of WICKED
chemistry that I have yet to have with anyone else. (But then, maybe it was
just teenage hormones and will never happen again). I could just TOUCH this guy's shoulder (fully clothed) and get
vaginal CRAMPS! I kid you not. It was WEIRD. What made it worse was that I had
to pretend to be a virgin with him, because he was catholic. Heh.
Anyhow, after he left the
park, those 8 years later, ALL the girls came rushing up to me. "Who was
THAT guy??! He was HOT!"
"That was the one I was
TELLING YOU ABOUT!", I screamed. (I actually stamped my feet.)
They didn't believe me. It
was just TOO improbable.
So, TCG showing up at class
after months of absence was UNLIKELY, but there he was, brightening my evening.
The good-looking jock showing up after 8 years, (at the very the moment I mentioned his name) was unexpected and HIGHLY
IMPROBABLE, but it did happen. My
most recent ex-boyfriend actually CALLING me, owning up, and having an adult
conversation? Well…. I’ve put that under the category of so highly unlikely as to
be IMPOSSIBLE.
And on THAT note…. I have
this new acronym for describing the time it takes to determine the non-viability of a relationship,
born out of my experience with computer hardware. But that will have to wait until the NEXT Bichitorial.
Heartlessly,
-Natalie
