Bitchitorial
(The view from the Editor's Chair)
November 6, 2004
You may have noticed that HBI is looking for a Music
Editor. Fabulana actually has several applications she is now
reviewing and will be making a decision soon. While I do love music, I
will admit that I'm much more a cinephile than an audiophile, which is
why Fabulana is doing the selection. I think I have forgotten
more movies than most people have seen. We have a couple of great
repertory cinemas in town, and a couple of awesome rental places that
have excellent collections of foreign and rare films. I'm generally NOT
a big fan of standard-fare "Hollywood" cinema. I have never seen "The
Titanic" and never will on pure principle. On the other hand, I'll watch
other strange and critically panned films purely for the premise, even
if there is no hope of cinematic artistry.
Tonight, for example, I watched "The Butterfly Effect".
Not a great film, but the premise was eerily synchronistic since just
this very evening I was discussing with The Morrigan my belief that we
CAN shape our own destinies.
For example, in all the ups and downs of the dot-com economy, I have
never been without a job for more than 4 weeks. In the past 9 years,
virtually every job I have had, has been the result of someone coming to
*me* - but not because I sat there and waited for things to magically
fall into my lap. (Though it may appear that way to some people) I
actively *do* things to direct my life and my path. I've had really
interesting opportunities for continuous growth and learning. I've had
good experiences and bad, and I wouldn't trade any of them for the
world. ALL my experiences shape me. I have a firm belief in that old
yogic saying that "your energy goes where you put it". As trite as it
sounds, I am convinced that believing in yourself and your own
capabilities CAN affect the world around you, and shape your reality.
You see, I have this firm desire to LIVE as opposed to merely *exist*. I
know the difference between comfort and complacency. I am not lazy,
emotionally or otherwise. To quote Tavia, I'm NOT one of those people who is "still looking in the
couch cushions to find a Port-a-Spine". I'm not afraid of hard work, and
I know the best things in life really *do* take WORK. I don't think I'm
a failure if something I try does not go according to plan. I just see
it as an opportunity to do something else. Learn, and keep going. I try
to teach my kids that too - that it's OK to make mistakes, to "fail" at
something does not make YOU a "Failure". I don't want them to be so
afraid of being labelled a failure, that they never try anything that
stretches their limits, never push themselves to see what they can do. I
don't want them to grow up constantly worried about what everyone ELSE
thinks, worried about maintaining an appropriate "image". I want them to
live life on their own terms because I think that is the only true path
to happiness. But to do that, you have to have the courage and belief in
yourself to take chances.
I've loved, I've lost, I've failed, I've triumphed, but above all else,
I have TRULY *experienced* life, and built some incredible friendships
along the way. I have two great kids that I'm very proud of, not because of anything they have accomplished, but because of WHO they are. When I look
back on my life now and in the future, I know that it isn't the
possessions I acquired, but the experiences, relationships, and loves
that have enriched my life, that I will always cherish. Sure I like my
creature-comforts, but in reality, "things" have no real permanence in
my life. They don't define who I am. I've walked away from it all before, and I could again in future. Good people that you can really
connect with, are incredibly hard to find, and are infinitely more
important. I make an effort to shape my reality to stay connected and
keep those kinds of good people in my life.
So why this shaggy-dog diversion into my on philosophy on existentialism? Well, in keeping with the theme of shaping one's
reality, I am anxious to see the new documentary, "What the Bleep Do We
Know?" when it comes to town next month. Nothing like quantum
physics, psychology, theology and metaphysics in combination! Again,
it's one of those films that has been somewhat panned by the critics,
but the premise interests me. It's along the lines of findings related
to the concept of "The Holographic
Universe". Something about it resonates, and while the sci-fi geek in me finds the whole thing fascinating from a physics point of view, the philosophical implications are equally as interesting.
My movie tastes aren't strictly relegated to non-hollywood or documentary fare. For example,
I LOVE anything by Pixar, and also love the old "Arne" movies like
Terminator and Predator. But I have to admit admit to having a real penchant for
off-beat, quirky, dark or foreign films, and really trashy
B-Grade horror ("Army of Darkness" rocks! Though I prefer the original cover art). Hence my love of Canadian and Australian cinema.
There is something in the psyches of those two nationalities that drives
their filmmakers to the darker side of examining the human condition. Canadian
directors like Atom Egoyan, Bruce McDonald, David Cronenberg, et al...
have a special place where my heart used to be.... My favorite Canadian
movie has to be "Exotica", with "Blood and Donuts" as runner-up. One of my favorite Australian films is "Bliss".
When the topic of movies came up with The Morrigan on the phone last night, it
spawned a "who would you do?" volley. We came to the conclusion that
with the exception of Jude Law and Johnny Depp, we have vastly different
tastes in men. This is a good thing in girlfriends. It keeps things
uncomplicated in the dating arena. Of course, there is no danger that
the Morrigan and I could ever fall for the same guy anyway - since,
despite my best coaxing, she seldom leaves her apartment these days.
And speaking of creative arts, I have been approached, yet again, by
another literary agent, who thinks an HBI book would be a huge success.
Fortuitously, I am both in the right mindset and at the right
time in my life to put my creative energies into a book, and we had already started work on a proposal. Of course, I will
be calling on many of our regular contributors to help flesh out the
volume. I'm not sure what title will ultimately grace the book, though I
am kinda partial to "Being In Total Control, Honey! A Heartless
Bitches International Perspective on Life, the Universe and Everything" Of course, (good)
suggestions are always welcome. I envision it containing some existing
material from the site, as well as new material written expressly for
the book. In reality, I think we will pitch more than one book, since we
have at least a few in us. For certain there HAS to be a book on how to
overcome the "Nice Guy Dilemma", as well as a compendium of The
Morrigan's "I'm Not Bitter" columns. I am hoping to get together with
Marlene, the Queen of Mean, next weekend, to work on the book
proposal and drag her out to a few of the more entertaining night spots
(for creative inspiration, of course!).
It must be the time of year... Creative inspiration certainly hits me
around Hallowe'en. It is my second-favorite holiday after Christmas.
What other time of the year can we adults (at least those of us who have
not chosen theatre or movies as our profession) dress up in costumes,
and be someone else for a night? If you are a people-watcher, as I am,
then Halloween has to be absolutely the BEST night for it.
The best
costumes, I find, are ones whose characters you can have fun "playing", and for me especially, I like ones that
allow me to dance and move about freely without getting too hot. Last year, I went as
a "Spanish Fly", one year I went as "The Paper Bag Princess" (one of my all-time favorite children's book Heroines). This year, I went as an "Evil Pixie".  I had too much fun with the face and
body paint, and the form-fitting costume was a hit! (Though I think the glowing antennae, stockings and knee-high black stretch boots really topped it off). I was nominated as a
finalist in 3 categories (we Leos love that kind of attention) and ultimately won the "Judge's Favorite" prize
which consisted of two tickets to Toronto on VIA Rail, Two nights at the Westin Harbour
Castle hotel, dinner-theatre for 4 at Leone's and Second-City, and Dance lessons from Fred Astaire. (Salsa Lessons, oh yeah!)
Not too shabby!
I must admit, that I was very worried that a male friend of mine who had
dressed up in a red negligee, red feather boa, lacey red thong underwear (worn over white thigh-length lace-trimmed underwear) and platinum blonde
wig, was going to win the "sexiest female" costume prize! Especially
since I helped him with his makeup and convinced his wife it would be ok to let him leave the house like that!
Imagine a slimmer version of Mimi on "The Drew Cary
Show", and you'll get the picture, since I'm not allowed to display it publicly (and yes, I DO have the photos).
He was having just a
little TOO much fun with the costume. But he won the "crowd favorite"
prize as a result of his efforts, (and the sign across his chest that
read "Britney @ 34" certainly helped). I think his wife is still in therapy over the whole thing.
 This year it worked out well, because the big club party was on the
Saturday, and Hallowe'en actually fell on the Sunday. Which meant I
could still carve my Jack-o-lanterns (another thing I love to do on
Hallowe'en, in addition to making costumes), roast pumpkin seeds, and give out candy to the kids. I
know, I'm a regular Martha-Fucking-Stewart, aren't I? 
I stuck around until about 8:30 handing out gobs of candy (after
demanding that the little urchins scream louder than THAT), and then
went out for dinner with a friend.
Now, I don't know if it's just living
in Canada, or the neighborhood that I live in, or maybe it's because the
neighborhood kids are scared of me, but the strangest thing happened...
When I went out, I left a big bowl of candy by the door on a chair, for
stragglers. And was is good stuff too, like caramilk bars, and snickers and those jumbo lolly-pops
- not that crappy molasses candy that tastes like turds. I left the pumpkins on the steps with the candles still burning, and the porch light on, so that
kids would still come to the door and find the candy bowl.
As I was getting in my car to leave, a gaggle of teenagers came up to
the house. I rolled down the car window and told them to help themselves
from the bowl by the door. They yelled, "Thanks!" each grabbed a
handful, and then went on to the next place. As I pulled out of the
driveway, I half-expected them to return as soon as my car was out of
sight, and empty the bowl into their respective bags.
When I got home, there was still a half a bowl of candy left sitting on
the porch.
Wow.
I'm still amazed when I think about it.
Only in Canada, eh?
heartlessly,
-Natalie
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