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Date: Tue July 27, 2009
From: Sean
Subject: Nice guy
[Dear Auntie Dote...]
Hello,
I recently read your article about "Why nice guys are such losers", and
I have to say that this article fits me to a "T". I was in a
relationship, or still am by the thinnest of threads, unless I change my
ways. I am too nice of a guy, and my gf went off to be on her own (she
needed her space), I am very insecure and the jealous type and it's
because of me, my insecurities and jealousies get the best of me. We
will be together 2 years in August. I kept blaming her and suspecting
her of cheating on me, but now I see why if she was, it's ME. Now that I
realize the problem, what do I do to correct the problem? I want her to
be in my life, but I want her to know I am willing to change or is it
too late?, and will she find someone who has the qualities she's looking
for?
MAN, WHY DIDN'T I SEE THIS EARLIER, DAMNIT!!!! Now I am in fear of
losing the best thing that has happened to me. I want to save what I may
have left with her. Right now I have my own place, and I am not talking
to her as frequently as before, I'm giving her the space she asked for.
I am not taking her calls, because I'm learning to let her wonder what
I'm doing, and to not be so available to her. Maybe she wasn't cheating
me, and she's just going out with different "people" to get out of the
norm, and I'm hoping that she's hoping that I will wake up and snap the
fuck out of it. I want to be the man she wants me to be, she has said
this to me several times, and that she wants someone who keeps up with
her, she's very strong willed, and energetic and quick witted. IS IT TOO
LATE FOR ME? How can I change? I love her very much, but now I see her
frustration.
Thanks for any and all input
Thank you,
Sean
Geez Sean, this letter is agonizing. (so is your pathetic attempts at garnering attention via the membership application form) My personal gut on this is, yes, it IS too late.
She's moved on.
And trying to be "unavailable"? Oh dear, you haven't learned much. Not answering her calls is juvenile.
The opposite of "Nice Guy" isn't "Asshole". You need to make up your mind, either lay down an ultimatum
TO HER, or just move on.
Part two: You need to work on your insecurities. That's a "me" project, not a relationship project.
This relationship probably won't matter to you once you work out your insecurities. And buddy, you need to go DEEP.
Because insecurity played out as jealousy toward women can turn into controlling behavior, and abuse. It can really ruin your whole
life.
-Auntie Dote
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